Alright you lil shits, today I’m gonna tell you about Astroglide.

Astroglide is a lube that you can find in any drugstore or Walmart and it is most people's first lube because of its sheer accessibility. Hopefully, those people will have matured and moved up to bigger and better brands of lube. I think if Astroglide is still your favorite lube, you probably haven’t tried very many. There are much better options out there.

It’s OK for male, or female masturbating, using with a partner, jerking it, fingers, toys, hands, toes, etc. It’s also safe to use with all toy materials, including silicone, because it is water-based. Since it is water-based, it is soluble in water and isn’t ideal for use in the shower. I am not into anal, but due to the amount of reapplication needed, you may want to try something else if that’s your aim. It’s safe to use with condoms and will not damage the latex. Astroglide is also pH balanced.

Don’t use this for oral. I’m serious. It has weird chemicals. Put it on your junk but not in your mouth.


ALLERGEN AND IRRITANT INFORMATION:
Astroglide has parabens in it. If your body or mind is opposed to them, keep on looking for something else. I mentioned that Astroglide is pH balanced, but it does have glycerin, which is known to be an aggravator of UTIs in some women. If you know glycerin doesn’t agree with you, don’t buy Astroglide.


Aspartame, the sweetener found in NutraSweet, is on the ingredient list. I have no clue why a non-flavored lube needs to be artificially sweetened, especially with something like aspartame. Aspartame is probably the sketchiest artificial sweetener on the market. It has had a lot of controversy over the years and I don’t want to eat it anymore, much less rub it all up in my lady parts.

TEXTURE AND PERFORMANCE:
Astroglide is really deceiving because when you pour it out of the bottle, you’re like “Hey, this doesn’t feel that bad.” When you first apply it, it feels too runny and thin, but quite slick; that doesn’t last. After you start using it, it will dry up fast and become a gross, sticky consistency. I also had to reapply more times than I wanted to. It worked nicely with thrusting at first, but within 15 minutes I became uncomfortable and needed to reapply. It is not long lasting at all, and that’s one of the things I look for first in a personal lubricant.

Astroglide leaves residue and I felt the need to wash myself off after I used it. If you’re going to use it on a Cyberskin toy or something more porous, you may want to cover it with a condom when using this lube with it. It’s a good idea to use a condom with toys that aren’t easily sanitized anyway, but the Astroglide may be especially hard to wash off with that material.


SMELL/TASTE:
Astroglide smells kind of like chemicals, but it’s not an in-your-face kind of smell that is extremely off-putting. You won’t notice it unless you get too close to the bottle or area that it was applied onto. Do not use Astroglide for oral sex! It isn’t intended for oral or ingestion and it will not taste good! I would recommend performing oral before applying this lube, or else it is going to taste gross.


PACKAGING:

Astroglide comes in a flip-cap bottle. The labeling is just purple and pretty discreet. The bottle is kind of shaped like a big squiggle and I think it’s kind of a cute design, really. If you left it out, there is nothing that screams “SEX” when glancing over it. The bottle is clear and see-through so you can tell if you’re getting low on lube. I always appreciate this in the packaging and I think it’s very handy. The pour hole in the lid has a large opening and it’s pretty easy to pour too much, so be careful with that.

SPECIAL FEATURES:
There is nothing at all special or outstanding about Astroglide lube.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
The Eden price-per-ounce is relatively expensive and you could definitely buy something better for much cheaper. Even if you do buy it at a cheap price, in the long run it’s better to get a longer lasting lube. You will use a lot of this with the reapplication that is needed. I try to avoid Astroglide because I dislike the aspartame in it, but if I was on a desperate, last-minute trip to Walgreens or something, I would choose KY Jelly over this any day (and I dislike both). I think if I was on a desert island and all I had left was Astroglide, I would probably take it. I choose not to buy it since I am still in civilization. I always recommend buying a smaller bottle of lube when trying one out because if you dislike it or have a bad reaction to it, you’ll just have a giant lube bottle sitting around and going to waste. Try the sample size first! This lube is really basic and I would avoid it if you can.