I’ve always wondered who decided that vibrators over a certain size magically became massagers. Was there a meeting somewhere? Is it a hard scale, or do we just arbitrarily name toys based on where they’re sold? We’ve all seen those Sky Mall “massagers” that people use on their necks which are oddly phallic shaped. But I’m really not getting to the point. The point should be that this toy is far and above one of the strongest vibrators we’ve ever purchased.

My wife and I don’t invest too much money on our sex toys, since until now all our cheap vibrators have done a fine job getting us off. When I received the Wanachi Maxi, I was surprised at the size of the thing. Almost twice the diameter of our largest vibrator, it dwarfed over anything in our drawer. I suppose the use of C batteries should have tipped me off, but it was a happy surprise. The wand has a silicon head and a variable rate of vibration controlled using a turn dial at the base. At its lowest setting, it vibrates with the strength of a smaller vibrator’s medium setting, while the highest setting is much harder than anything we have. When I try to hold the head at the highest frequency, my hand starts to go numb. However, with all this power, it manages to hold the noise down to a reasonable level. It also has a flexible head which helps reduce the noise and makes it more agile in tight spaces.

While assuring me that she was going to die from this toy, we began having sex missionary style with the massager firmly planted on her clit. It really didn’t take long for me to realize that we had just gotten into a different class of toys. Hey eyes widened, her mouth opened, but no sound came out. Eventually she managed a “holy shit” before losing her voice again. Within minutes she was writhing on the bed in one of the largest orgasms I’d seen her have in a long time.

This toy does come with its own set of downsides. The size makes it slightly unwieldy to use in some positions, meaning we had to adjust to fit the large head on her clit with me still on top. Also, our toy would randomly start buzzing as if something were loose inside, but it was difficult to recreate consistently and went away when held differently. Finally, it uses C batteries. Who the hell keeps C batteries around these days? I know they’re not hard to get, but it’s always annoying to go out and get special batteries to use only in a sex toy.

If I could give half stars, I would, because I think this toy deserves more than four stars, even if it’s not perfect. I’m sure most of you are more versed in the world of sex toys that are evolutionary closer to power tools than novelty items, but to us novices this toy is quite the vibrator. But no matter your level, know that if you’re interested in this toy, it will most likely make you come within a few minutes. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to attempt to recreate Pixar scenes with vibrators and see if they still make sense.