The Hitachi Magic Wand is built by the company with the intension of easing sore muscles and providing a massage. It is not marketed as anything but. But really ladies, we know what we're buying here. We're buying one of the most powerful rockets for your cooch that has ever been made. Are there more powerful vibrators out there? Maybe. Are there smaller, more efficent vibrators? Yes. Is there any reason to buy this Hitachi Magic Wand for anything other than muscle aches? No.

But, that is the beauty of a Hitachi. It wasn't made to be a sex toy. But, may the magic Spagetti Monster of the Sky help us, we will still use it as such! We have turned an awesome massager into something better by sheer force of will! We have made lemonade and ice tea, and then we poured that shit together, and now, we are standing on the shoulders of giants with the largest vibrator I have ever seen!

So, here's your wand. It's a plastic shaft-handle with a rubber head. It's a little plush, with a light, almost public-plastic-chair texture, like those navy blue chairs from public school. The shaft and the head is a very just-cleaned teeth white. It's not too complicated.

Out of the box, the head smells a little bit like rubber, and after a light wipe down, the smell starts to abate. However, it's not a horrible tire-like smell. It's kind of a light, a new tennis-shoe smell.

However, just for your information, it doesn't really come down to texture that makes this toy great. Just- by the way- it vibrates so fast, you will not feel that texture. That ever-so-light texture will feel *exactly* like the handle of the toy because of the vibrations. If you are a texture freak, get yourself an add-on that appeals to you, but really, this lovely toy is not about all that fluff and extras. You are getting the Hitachi, when you just get the Hitachi, for those vibrations.

Not to disregard those who like texture, but this is a classic you're getting. It's the add-ons you'll want, but this is not what this review is talking about. It's just the vibrator, just the sheer buzz. You have joined a hoard. It's not specialized, not even really all that different from foot massagers. It's a basic, slightly-bouncy ball. Here you go.

Again, this is a massager. It is HUGE. The handle alone is nine inches. NINE. If you live your whole life, you might never see a nine inch penis. And that's not the part you're using. The handle is just the giant part you're going to wave around like you just got accepted into Hogwarts. It's not the heaviest thing in the world, but it's going to make your other toys seem much, much lighter in comparison.

THEN, there's the head. It's two and a half inches in diameter (well, 2 & 3/8th inches), a little squishy, and rather heavy. Most of the time I use the toy, it's less like I'm wielding the toy, and more like I'm a slave to pushing around the heavy head. Again, don't be surprised. It's not to bad and makes using the toy a little bit easier. Since all the weight is in the head, you're not going to be yanked around by the use of the handle itself. The instructions give you some idea on how to wield it properly (like, don't push the head into what you're vibrating, because that's exerting unneeded stress on the toy, and you'll have a much better time holding it like a duster, which will result in more vibrations felt than if you shoved the head around like a hammer), but I'm not going to go over all the directions: just read it carefully yourself.

Now: the cord. It's three feet long. Think carefully about how close your bed is to the plugs in your room. Think about where your comfy chairs in the living room are, where you'd like to receive a nice massage after a long day's work, as to where the plugs are. If any two points are more than a foot and a half away from each other, you're going to have a bad time. Get an extension cord or start moving furniture until you achieve the right distance for what you want. You might now need a whole lot of wiggle room if you're just attempting to reach your twat, but if you want a nice touch on the shoulders, start considering your options carefully. It's mighty depressing to have to shove around when you're horny, sore, and annoyed by how long it takes to ship a toy in US mail.

Again: massager. It's for muscle soreness, but, as we have discovered, it can give your boyfriend/partner's member a run for it's money. It has two speeds. Bam. There you go. It doesn't really get much more complicated than that.

The toy itself has a switch to control speeds, right in the middle of the wand for easy access: center for off, one flip in a direction for low, and the other for high. So, from switching low to high, your toy will momentarily be off. Gives you a nice, short second to really think about your clitoris, if you really want to put that giant vibrating ball in your pleasure zone, ex-cetera. You can flip the switch much faster than I'm describing, but it is two separate clicks: to off, and then to the new mode you'd prefer. Treat it like you would any other light switch. Don't hit it with a hammer. Push it with the needed force and no more, la la la, be nice to your toy.

The vibrations are focused in the head. Duh. There's no one focused point in the head where the vibrations are more concentrated, so you can roll the head around until you find which part of the curve is most comfortable for you.

Now, listen up children, because this is the part of the legend of the Hitachi that is very true and most applicable to your life: This. Toy. Is. Loud. It falls into that special class of sound with electric razors and typical-comedic vibrator noises. This isn't as loud as some of those ten dollar bullets that sound like a generator from hell, but it's still pretty loud. Unless you can comfortably lie to your roommates/children that you're just shaving your legs, or maybe just don't care if anyone complains, I wouldn't suggest going at it in an apartment/thin-walled living situation.

It's not impossible to over up the noise of the Hitachi. Massage yourself under a thick blanket, play some music a little louder than usual, trick people into thinking that it's 'only for your bad back' and you should be in the clear. It's also not an unpleasant noise. There are much louder/more annoying toys available on the market, and this puppy has even more vibrations than those suckers, so if you had to ask me, it's a nice trade off. And like I said before, the Hitachi is a legend, not a perfection.

Also: THIS IS NOT WATERPROOF. Do us a favor and don't take this anywhere near water. This is the hairdryer of toys-- you don't want to be the person found electrocuted in the bathroom holding a Hitachi.

Because this toy does not like water, I would suggest being very, very careful while cleaning. Use your toy cleaner or a damp cloth rub down to get off any gunk, and I'm just going to quote another reviewer who says that the toy cleaner you use should not have "benzine, benzene, or benzyl alchohol". So, read your labels kids, read your labels. As long as you're being careful, it is a dream to clean.

The Hitachi is rather large, but it's not too picky about its habitat, as long as it's not exposed to direct heat or a lot of moisture, which is the same kind of cool pad your other toys SHOULD be enjoying. So, place your baby carefully in your sock drawer or in the night stand with the condoms if it doesn't fit in the sexy box you already have. I'm currently keeping my toy in the original sales box that came with it, and while it's not the sturdiest box, it makes it easier to transport.

My Hitachi came in a long, rectangular box with some pictures of humble people relieving their aches and pains. And nothing else. So it's not the worst place to store the toy later, as long as no one thinks about what else you're using the wand for later. In the mail, part of one of the flaps tore, and after some caring around with the box, the flap has nearly come free, but a little bit of tape and it's good as new.

I've heard of some company that has made more sophisticated traveling cases to take your Hitachi in, and after a few weeks with the box, I'm considering investing in one of these cases.

NOW, then, the manual. It covers everything you would need to know about your massaging wand in the daily use of back pains and such, but it doesn't cover technique for massaging the nether regions. It's just one of those things you'll have to work out on your own. Read your manual carefully, as it does cover the best ways to use the head of the toy.