The Red Hots Blazing Love Clamps came in an easy-to-open plastic package discreetly concealed within a plain white mailing box (as always, EdenFantasys values the privacy of its customers and reviewers!) Although you may think that the quality of the packaging isn't a big deal, anyone who has spent more than three minutes hacking at plastic clam shell-type packaging will understand the bliss of no-frustration packaging for their eagerly anticipated toy. The Love Clamps themselves are a delightful shade of bright red, and would not at all look out of place under the Christmas tree.

The Clamps have four main parts: a pair of vibrating nipple clamps, a tiny personal massager, and the controller. The alligator-style clamps have rubber tips to ensure comfort and a no-slip grip. They are also adjustable by a small screw in each clamp which you can twist to make the clamp tighter (for a stronger bite) or looser (for gentler play). Connected to each clamp is a tiny red plastic penis-shaped vibrator, which in turn feeds into the battery-powered control pack via red cords. The personal massager is the same size and shape as the penis vibes connected to the clamps. The plastic is translucent red, so when the toy is turned on, you can actually see how it vibrates! I'm a science nerd, so it was interesting to see first-hand how vibrating apparatus actually vibrate. Both ends of each power cord connecting the little bullets to the battery pack are sealed to keep water out.

The battery pack itself is ergonomically designed to fit comfortably in the hand and is coated with a velvety soft texture. It runs on two AA batteries which are loaded into the bottom. The cap to the battery casing is sturdy plastic (so no worries about it cracking just because you closed it a little too tight) and made watertight by an O-ring. There is one button that controls on/off and the vibrating function of the toy.

There are four vibrating functions, described as thus:

1. pulse-pulse-pulse-pulse --also known (to me) as "the hare"
2. pulse--pulse--pulse--pulse --also known as "the turtle"
3. pulsepulse--pulsepulse--pulsepulse-- also known as "why does my bullet have a heartbeat?"
4. bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt!!! --also known as "the only one that I actually use"

These vibrating functions go into action simultaneously for all three bullets. This can be inconvenient because sometimes, all you really want are the nipple clamps to vibrate, or just the little vibe to have fun with. Also, that synchronized drone x 3 tends to draw a little more attention than you might want when you're living in the dorms. I haven't been able to use this in my room at all for fear that my neighbor (the RA) will be disturbed by the noise! However, this toy is perfect for the shower... more on that later (in the experience section if you want to skip down to it).

Another inconvenience about the almighty button is that it can only cycle in one direction. If you miss the function you wanted, you have to go through the remaining few, turn it off, turn it on again and catch it. Or let's say you decided to be brave and wanted to use it alone in your room anyway, and your roommate suddenly starts to come in and you need to shut it off QUICK. There's a reason why I consistently use the last function--one more click of the button and it's safely off!

Overall, the Red Hots Blazing Clamps are a very pretty package for anyone who loves to multitask. Want to get clean, get dirty, and get clean again all while your nipples are tingling with pleasure and pain? Then this is a fun toy that is likely to please.

Okay, enough with the analysis! How did I like it?

Once I made sure the waterproof cap was screwed tightly on, I stepped into the shower with my new red toy. I spent a few minutes relaxing under the pressurized hot water and then I decided to try the clamps out alone first. I wasn't sure how much pressure my nipples could handle, so I left a moderate amount of give in the clamps. The pinched my nipples pleasantly and under the stream of hot water, I could feel myself getting into the mood. I turned the vibrations on, cycling through until I got to my favorite 4th and final BZZZZZT! setting. I took the mini vibe and massaged my clit with it. For such a small bullet, these adorable little penises pack a lot of power! Yes, you heard me right, I find the tiny plastic phallus cute!

However, after a few minutes, I realized that the vibrations and the slickness of the water were causing the clamps to slide off my nipples. I couldn't have that! I made the clamps tighter and this time, I could really feel the bite. The vibrations on the clamps could be felt by my nipples, but it really didn't do much for me. My nipples like to be played with in the conventional sucking, licking, biting, rolling sense. Something as subtle as a vibration doesn't really do the trick.

My clit though, that's a different story. It responded very well to the little vibe I pressed against it. After a short time, I was fully aroused by the combined sensations of the clamps and the vibe and got that "empty" feeling in my pussy. I tried sticking the little vibe up there, but to no avail. Although it was a powerful clitoral vibrator, it was too small to provide the internal stimulation I craved. Cursing myself for leaving my luscious silicone penis vibrator at my boyfriend's place, I couldn't resist my own carnal urges any more and plunged two fingers into my cunt, rubbing forcefully at my g-spot. I came a minute later and returned to my senses amazed that I was still (barely) standing. I'm not complaining though--dorm showers are NOT a good place to collapse, even if it's in post-orgasmic bliss!

I was gleeful that I could leave the clamps on and just wrap a towel around myself when I was done with my shower. I stuck the battery pack between my breasts and the towel, where they were hidden to all but the most prying of eyes! I felt so scandalous walking down the hall in a towel with my nipples still firmly in their clamps. I took them off after I got back to my room. My nipples were still tingling an hour later!