The Cum-Kleen wipe is just another personal wipe for cleaning up after sexual activity, or, as it says right there on the package, "Get it off after getting off." Judging from the dare-I-say-adorable penis spurting right there on the front of the single-use package, I'd say it's mainly geared towards masturbation sessions involving a penis. In this review, however, we shall see how well it holds up to other masturbatory messes, mainly involving me. Mr. Cooter, get to work.

This wipe could also be a great gag gift because it's cheap and it has a penis on it. I mean, there's lots of potential for fun here. The entire tone of the packaging on both sides is humorous and even if you got some of these for such a use, the person involved will get out of it with something actually useful instead of something useless but funny and they weren't expensive to buy either. So go ahead and think about the great possibilities, the penis pranks it could make better. I know I will be.

Of course, when I got myself a Cum-Kleen wipe it was simply to bump up the cost of my order to get free shipping. So there's that too. If you need something for that, this is a great option because it's something you'll end up using!

The wipe doesn't feel sticky, just mildly damp, and the wipe itself is about the same size and thickness of a regular baby wipe, maybe a little bit thicker. The wipe had a nice cloth feel to it. When I used it, I didn't feel like my fingers were about to tear through it any minute.

Other reviewers reported that their wipes were more wet, so don't be surprised if yours is and mine was just a fluke.

The vanilla scent is definitely strong, but not annoyingly so. It's just one note with this scent: Pure vanilla. It smelled pretty delicious and I liked it. It reminded me a lot of a really nice vanilla body spray I had a long time ago. This wipe definitely smells better than a standard baby wipe and, dare I say, my EdenFantasys wipes as well.

I did not taste this product and I don't recommend anyone else try it.

This wipe is a one-use product. You tear the little package open, use the wipe, and throw it away. I felt very clean after using it on my own body and didn't have a trace of lube or mess left on me. I also liked that it left the vanilla scent lingering on me. I also liked that the wipe wasn't overly wet, just damp enough to help clean and neither the wipe nor I felt sticky and gross after. For what it's supposed to do, this product totally does the job well.

The packaging filled me with unholy, dirty glee so I'm just going to giggle over how much I love it for a minute here. The shade of green used as a background shade upon which the overly happy penis unloads himself like a fountain? Yeah, that is one really nice color. It's modern and understated, and nothing ever comes in this color. I don't know why I care about this so much.

Anyway! On to that happy penis inviting you to use this item, let's just look at his head, which is not actually his head (His head's already busy over there.). This face is oriented uncomfortably on his testicles with an expression that seems comically sincere, as if to say, "I made the best ejaculation ever over there! Won't you clean me up?" Perhaps I was suckered into buying a wipe because of that ballsack's hilariously enthusiastic expression.

In case you somehow missed that there is line-art of a sentient penis on this despite me screaming "PENIS!" every five seconds, just remember that these wipes are not discreet in the slightest. I wouldn't recommend throwing one in your purse or backpack if you're scared of what might happen should this fall out in public. That said, if you can stick it inside something else like a make-up bag, go right ahead! The packaging is thin and won't take up a lot of space.

I am way too easily amused by this, don't mind me.

What the packaging actually says on the back:
"CUM-KLEEN
The original wipe that KLEENS love's messy moments
- Disposable and convenient
- Cleans today's lubes
- Beats ruining another towel
Also available in handy tub size!
For external use only
Do not flush
Ingredients: water, vitamin E, aloe vera, bodysafe preservatives and fragrance."