Calling -this- a 'collection' is a reach...
Interesting that they're equating such middling-quality crap with love. Everything about the quality of the contents screams 'phoned-in.' I cannot, for the life of me, justify the high-end price tag for low-grade items.
Considering all of this can be purchased from ANY assorted 'XXX gifts' section of any novelty shop in any mall for far less than the assembled price is a travesty.
Considering all of this can be purchased from ANY assorted 'XXX gifts' section of any novelty shop in any mall for far less than the assembled price is a travesty.
Published:
Pros
The Vibrator VROOMS!
Cons
...Pretty much everything else in this kit.
8” wide, 2” thick. A show'er, but not something to brag about.
No, I'm not talking about some stud I recently saw on an amateur porn channel. Although, I'm sure it'll fit with something. I'm talking about my initial thoughts on the casing that holds this odd amalgam of items.
Cheap, chintzy metal, to say the least. And the over-all design? Bordello-red wallpaper that looks more at home next to a tiger-skin rug with 'Pure Romance Collection' blaring on all sides.
I held my breath and hoped that the contents were better.
1. Vibrating Massager (with a one year warranty: not a good sign if THIS is a bullet point)
2. Vajazzled (?!) Body Jewels – ...There are no words. Oprah is to blame for this word, too, yes?
3. 1oz. JO Lube
4. 1oz. Flavored Lube, also JO.
5. Heart-Shaped Love Stinger
6. Silk Love Ties and Blindfolds
7. Romance-enhancing vibrating ring
8. One (one?one?one?) Condom
9. 52 Love Vouchers
10. Silk Rose Petals
11. 2 Electric candles
12. Romance Dice
Listen. I get it. Your company name is 'love' reversed into the word 'evolved.' Great. Terrific. Your branding team must be thrilled.
Here we go:
The Vibrating Massager is the best of the bunch. It has a smooth velvet-rubber texture, (which I'm a definite fan of, regarding vibrators. My partner is, too!) a well-balanced weight with or without batteries, and some serious rev.
The vibrations are fairly standard ('low', 'medium', 'high') with a button at the base to control the actions, but it's the -way- it revs that caught me by surprise. For anyone that wants a fairly high-powered vibrator, this company might be something worth looking at, if they keep the quality like that across the board.
Minor nit-pick: When shutting it off, the vibration doesn't shut off immediately, as it's more a rapid dying, instead like a failing motor. Off means OFF.
Also. Sound. This is not the vibrator you choose to be discreet with. It's not going to happen. This is the kind of weapon you brandish with intent to use.
The body jewelry. Frankly, I've seen the EXACT same thing come out of a Dollar Store or game of chance at a State Fair. The adhesive is a joke, to say the least. This was almost instantly tossed in the trash.
And, 'vajazzle'? Really?
1oz, JO lubes, flavored and non. In a future review, I'll have a few things to say about some JO brand warming gel I was subjected to, (spoiler: bad touch!) but, suffice to say, this is more of the same.
Toss it and use whatever you use already. Preferably, as always, something water-based.
The Love Stinger. I'm not sure who felt it would be a great idea to include this into a LOVE kit, but I hope it's not the same one who designed the motor for the vibrator (that person NEEDS to keep his job). Bear with me: The idea is to 'V' your fingers, hook either loop around the tips, use the OTHER hand to pull back on the plastic tab in the center of the 'leather' heart and let it snap against some portion of your lover's body.
While it sounds like an erotic Super Villain, it has about the same theory: sounds like a great plan on paper, but it fails miserably in execution.
Silk Love ties and blindfold (and Silk petals) – Out of laziness, and the need for lower therapy bills, I've decided to combine all these, considering they were ...cough... cut from the same cloth.
'Silk' should be used in the weakest sense of the words, as it is the same material 'Silk' flowers are made from. While it does reportedly feel nice against skin, I can't say I trust the strength of them as binds during an 'active' session, but it seems to hold, at least once. There was a bit of fraying along the edges after the first use.
Love Ring. The vibe isn't worth the plastic it's made from. The ring wasn't either. Long tossed.
One (!?!) Condom, 'Adam/Eve' brand. Great if you're into 'living on the edge'... And don't have to worry about birth control. And, seriously, who fucks only ONCE!?
52 Love Vouchers, a booklet of assorted erotic 'Good for one free blowjob-style' tickets. Printed on heavy card-stock.
Two Electric Love candles. Watch batteries going to waste powering two weakly-flickering LED candles. The batteries would be better suited anywhere else.
Romance Dice – No 'starter kit' is apparently complete without the standard issue 'love dice.' Actions on one die, body parts on the other. Throw and hope it doesn't end up on 'LICK' 'TOES' (unless you're into that sort of thing, then, start your lickin'!)
No, I'm not talking about some stud I recently saw on an amateur porn channel. Although, I'm sure it'll fit with something. I'm talking about my initial thoughts on the casing that holds this odd amalgam of items.
Cheap, chintzy metal, to say the least. And the over-all design? Bordello-red wallpaper that looks more at home next to a tiger-skin rug with 'Pure Romance Collection' blaring on all sides.
I held my breath and hoped that the contents were better.
1. Vibrating Massager (with a one year warranty: not a good sign if THIS is a bullet point)
2. Vajazzled (?!) Body Jewels – ...There are no words. Oprah is to blame for this word, too, yes?
3. 1oz. JO Lube
4. 1oz. Flavored Lube, also JO.
5. Heart-Shaped Love Stinger
6. Silk Love Ties and Blindfolds
7. Romance-enhancing vibrating ring
8. One (one?one?one?) Condom
9. 52 Love Vouchers
10. Silk Rose Petals
11. 2 Electric candles
12. Romance Dice
Listen. I get it. Your company name is 'love' reversed into the word 'evolved.' Great. Terrific. Your branding team must be thrilled.
Here we go:
The Vibrating Massager is the best of the bunch. It has a smooth velvet-rubber texture, (which I'm a definite fan of, regarding vibrators. My partner is, too!) a well-balanced weight with or without batteries, and some serious rev.
The vibrations are fairly standard ('low', 'medium', 'high') with a button at the base to control the actions, but it's the -way- it revs that caught me by surprise. For anyone that wants a fairly high-powered vibrator, this company might be something worth looking at, if they keep the quality like that across the board.
Minor nit-pick: When shutting it off, the vibration doesn't shut off immediately, as it's more a rapid dying, instead like a failing motor. Off means OFF.
Also. Sound. This is not the vibrator you choose to be discreet with. It's not going to happen. This is the kind of weapon you brandish with intent to use.
The body jewelry. Frankly, I've seen the EXACT same thing come out of a Dollar Store or game of chance at a State Fair. The adhesive is a joke, to say the least. This was almost instantly tossed in the trash.
And, 'vajazzle'? Really?
1oz, JO lubes, flavored and non. In a future review, I'll have a few things to say about some JO brand warming gel I was subjected to, (spoiler: bad touch!) but, suffice to say, this is more of the same.
Toss it and use whatever you use already. Preferably, as always, something water-based.
The Love Stinger. I'm not sure who felt it would be a great idea to include this into a LOVE kit, but I hope it's not the same one who designed the motor for the vibrator (that person NEEDS to keep his job). Bear with me: The idea is to 'V' your fingers, hook either loop around the tips, use the OTHER hand to pull back on the plastic tab in the center of the 'leather' heart and let it snap against some portion of your lover's body.
While it sounds like an erotic Super Villain, it has about the same theory: sounds like a great plan on paper, but it fails miserably in execution.
Silk Love ties and blindfold (and Silk petals) – Out of laziness, and the need for lower therapy bills, I've decided to combine all these, considering they were ...cough... cut from the same cloth.
'Silk' should be used in the weakest sense of the words, as it is the same material 'Silk' flowers are made from. While it does reportedly feel nice against skin, I can't say I trust the strength of them as binds during an 'active' session, but it seems to hold, at least once. There was a bit of fraying along the edges after the first use.
Love Ring. The vibe isn't worth the plastic it's made from. The ring wasn't either. Long tossed.
One (!?!) Condom, 'Adam/Eve' brand. Great if you're into 'living on the edge'... And don't have to worry about birth control. And, seriously, who fucks only ONCE!?
52 Love Vouchers, a booklet of assorted erotic 'Good for one free blowjob-style' tickets. Printed on heavy card-stock.
Two Electric Love candles. Watch batteries going to waste powering two weakly-flickering LED candles. The batteries would be better suited anywhere else.
Romance Dice – No 'starter kit' is apparently complete without the standard issue 'love dice.' Actions on one die, body parts on the other. Throw and hope it doesn't end up on 'LICK' 'TOES' (unless you're into that sort of thing, then, start your lickin'!)
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Slave 2 the Machine
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While I understand the concern - and, truly, it's appreciated - I have two bits to say:
Irregardless of EVOLved being 'a good company,' they're exactly that. A company. They like money. A company will only put out quality items so long as their customers buy it. (jaded, yes, but realistic.)
I was reviewing THE SET. Not the company. The set, to be candid, was horrible, no matter how you slice it. I felt it was a cheaply-made cash-in. And I said as much.
Also, a review is a set of opinions. I was not waxing poetic on the history of EVOLved. I was taking to task the item, weighing the pros and cons of each. And it was weighed, measured, and I was found wanting. In sex, if something's not enjoyable, it's not enjoyable. Period.
Also, in case it was missed. I LOVED the vibrator. Really, truly, did. And I'm overjoyed to hear that it's available by itself. But why, oh, why is it HALF THE PRICE OF THE KIT?!
That doesn't seem right to me, I'm sorry.
As should be obvious, a review is an opinion. As such, I opined. No more, no less. If you feel otherwise, great! I'm glad you were able to find satisfaction. Since I cannot speak for anyone else other than myself and my experiences, that's what I did.
I want quality. I'm also a hard judge. There are -plenty- of items I've used that are sold here on Eden's. I've only JUST started banging out reviews. (he.he.) They will not ALL be negative. Only these first two have been.
Hold tight. There will be more. I promise.