Okay, there's no point in trying to pretend that getting messy can't also be fun. I think that one of the best things about getting to be an adult is choosing when you want to get real dirty. And getting dirty with your friends is always that much better.

That's what I was thinking about when I got the Black Light Body Paint Kit to review. The small rectangular package seemed to have an absolute clown car worth of stuff packed into it: Tons of incense sticks, four different color paints, and six body lotions, not to mention the black light bulb, of course. With few expectations, I figured I couldn't be disappointed. Somewhat surprisingly, I was wrong.

This is actually a hard review to write because there's so little I thought was actually good about this so-called kit. On the other hand, it is exceptionally cheap, which, though this becomes painfully apparent when you actually try to use anything in the kit, would certainly make me feel better if I had purchased the thing. They say nothing ventured, nothing gained, so I imagine this would actually not be such a bad choice for people truly out to experience the sheer novelty of body paints, so long as they were comfortable enough with one another to laugh about the disappointments later.

The body paints themselves don't feel like paint at all. The kit comes with four different colors of tiny, greasy, gelatinous substances in plastic cups that just make me feel "eww!" when I touch them. Coming from someone who thoroughly enjoys getting really messy, this is saying a lot.

What's worse about the paints, though, is that they don't actually look colorful, nor do they glow, under any kind of light at all, least of all the very weak black-light bulb included with the kit. When I tried the paints out with a couple of my friends, we took turns painting lines and circles on one another and holding our mini-masterpieces up to the bulb, but saw nothing. All that the paints succeeded in producing was laughter and successive cries of, "ewww, gross!" Though, admittedly, that was a certain kind of fun.

The massage lotions had the exact same effect. Instead of oily and slippery, they felt incredibly sticky on our skin, as though they were made with cornstarch or sugar syrup. None of us could feel any sort of warming sensation, either. On the plus side, at least they washed off easily.

The incense sticks were really the only item in the pack that didn't seem to be an utter failure. Of course, how hard would it really be to screw up sticks of incense? And even then, these sticks weren't anything to write home about.

This product is barely squeezing by with a single star from me because it's cheap and that's it's only saving grace.