I admit that my expectations were placed high before I even opened the box. That being said I am positive that if I’d have gone to the same craft store to purchase items for a game entitled “Exploring Ultimate Fantasies” (as I am sure the producers of this game at Pipedream Products surely did), I definitely would have made much better decisions!

After opening the huge 12” x 12” box, I was immediately stricken with disappointment. The game boasts a number of items included in the game to help sensuous adults explore their ultimate fantasy, each of which leaves much to be desired. The leg restraint and the arm restraint are two equal length strips of black ribbed nylon/polyester ribbon, that was more reminiscent of Halloween arts and crafts than sexual exploration.

The back of the box advertised that one feather was included, to be used in the game. However, I found three sad red ribbons, ranging from one to three inches, that suspiciously resemble ones found in giant variety pack in the children's section of the local arts and crafts store. Curiously the feathers were placed in a cut-out, shaped for a 6” feather, making me wonder if another feather was originally intended. The candle is just that, a plain and unscented white taper candle (no holder included), just like any other you can find in the home decoration aisle.

The game's two body heat massage lotions, and two Spanish fly liquids, can be found in gigantic candy dish displays at any novelty store at the mall. The edible body paint did not accompany any kind of applicator, so fingers must be used to apply it to the skin; and it tastes something like old cherry lip gloss. The blindfold, on the other hand, was a highlight. Strapped with two elastic bands, the blindfold comprises a black satin lining behind faux leopard fur on the top, with black satin piping around the sides. It sits tightly around the head, and doesn’t move even if you thrash your head around on the pillow.

The massager is a two inch long white cylinder, which thickens in steps from a half inch to a full inch. It is not an insertable vibrator, and definitely not waterproof. Its base opens with a twist for the AA battery pack, and there is a definite gap, from the battery pack to the rest of the massager, that would catch on skin and would make cleaning a nightmare. It has three settings on the twisting base: on, off, and open. Once you turn this puppy on, the neighbors next door will wonder what flavor margaritas you're blending. It’s even earsplitting under the covers, where it creates a muffled second vibration against the mattress or blankets. Mighty Med is more aptly described as merely a stimulator, even arriving with its own little spike-edged cap on the tip, and yes it does visibly scratch skin.

Getting down to the actual game is an exercise in total confusion. You and your game partner must make sure to wear six to eight articles of clothing. Five little black dice must be rolled, and re-rolled, and re-rolled, until you accumulate 300 points by saving ones and fives (because ones are worth 100 points, fives are 50 points, and the others are nothing… makes perfect sense, right?). Basically, the lover with the highest score at 300 gets to pick one of the 24 Passion Cards. Here is where the game begins.

Passion cards are instructions on various ways to strip your partner out of his/her clothes. However they could have used some revisions before the cards were printed out due, to the absurd nature of most in the deck. My favorite card was, “Remove one article from your lover of their choice, and have lover place article on your body part of their choice." What?

When you have someone naked, you dig into the Fantasy Cards, These cards deal with sexual acts, but since all the cards are written generic and vague to hopefully appeal to heterosexual and homosexual partners, they are nearly meaningless to anyone’s fantasy.
The game ends when players “fulfill your ULTIMATE FANTASY”. But I have to confess, I never got around to playing this game because I was laughing too hard to take it seriously. “Exploring Ultimate Fantasies” is a gag gift.