It doesn’t matter how much you love TV Land. You do not need to see Shaggy get his cock sucked. By Velma. While Daphne watches. While Fred fucks her ass. While Scooby...

Yeah, where’s Scooby?

That is the mystery that powers director Eddie Powell’s Scooby-Doo: A XXX Parody, as Shaggy awakens after a lusty Halloween party to discover his best friend is missing. He tries to recall the last time he saw him... at the party. With drugs and drink. And boobs and vaginas. And a cute blonde fairy who rode him cowgirl two weeks to Christmas. Or words to that effect.

Zoinks!

The gang’s all here and they’re looking good. Arguably the biggest adult star in the world right now (catch her in Eden if you can), Bree Olson makes a truly delicious Daphne, recapturing the original‘s angelic ditziness in ever more hilarious ways. This week, she’s trying to get pregnant, and she will swallow whatever method Fred (Michael Vegas) feeds her. Literally. Bobbi Starr as Velma, meanwhile, retains the cartoon character’s spoilsport feistiness, right up until she orgasms and sometimes even beyond. Solo in the bathroom while she listens to Shaggy reciting his adventures, you can only wish she'd brought some sex toys in to play with, and then you realize that she doesn't need them. Not this time.

And then there’s Shaggy (Chad Alva), who has captured the voice and stubble so well that it really is faintly disturbing to watch a childhood hero getting down and dirty with more or less any hole he can.

Jinkies!

Scooby is missing, so it’s back to the creepy old mansion when Shaggy last saw him, there to encounter an evil ghoul (Evan Stone) safeguarding a bathtub full of cash. Of course. A chase scene straight out of the original show ultimately ensues, but not before Velma and Shaggy trade juices in their hidey hole, and... well, you remember how we always thought Velma was a lesbian? Turns out she swings both ways, and so does Daphne. Which is just as well, because how else can two defenseless girls distract the demon until the guys are able to deal with him?

The titular dog, mercifully, does not take part in any of the action; in fact, we don’t even hear his trademark scooby-doobie-doo until this marvelous movie is almost done. By which time, of course, everyone else has had more than their share of scooby-snacks, and Daphne delivers the best line of the entire film. Sitting dripping with both boys’ jizz, she looks up at Fred with gorgeous brown eyes and tells him, “I’m covered in so much cum, I must get pregnant now, right?”

And Fred, who knows a good thing when he’s fucked one, simply smiles. Because if it doesn’t work this time, they can always try again next week.

Despite the inclusion of a second disc, there's not much in the way of bonus features. A cumshot recap is fun if you really want to dispense with the plot; there's a bonus Bree Olson sex scene, behind the scenes and blooper sequences, and a special 30 minute party version that slices out (most of) the sex but remains surprisingly entertaining regardless. And after all this, you probably won't be snuggling back down with TVLand any time soon.