Written by Dossie and Janet, The New Bottoming Book|The New Bottoming Book covers many topics and is well written.  It’s a fantastic book to read and think about as your own sexuality grows away from anything considered “traditional” sexual roles.

Dossie and Janet between them have many decades of experience as both tops and bottoms.  Their individual identification includes bisexuality, polyamory, therapist, and instructor--making them well suited for a book of this magnitude.  After introducing themselves, they follow up with an introduction in BDSM. This includes awareness that scenes that we love to imagine as nonconsensual and abusive in the real world can be really hot when negotiated.

The next few sections are about who you are as a bottom and about maintaining safety (I know--some of you instantly yawned!).  I found this an incredibly thought provoking and eye opening section.  It talks about how you might want to experience emotions like “victimhood, abandonment, humility, nurturing,” or roles such as “victim, prisoner, martyr, object, animal, whore.”

Many of these ideas were beyond my own views of a “bottom,” and I think that was the point.  Everyone has their own perceptions, needs and goals which is why negotiation and communication is so important.  They also elaborate on the “power” inherent in being a bottom and that it is much more than being passive.  BDSM is essentially power exchanges and feeding off each other’s energy in different ways.

The next sections are about “The Bridge to Reality,” “Connecting,” and “Getting what you want and lots of it.”  These sections blend well together.  Most people initially start thinking about BDSM from a fantasy in their mind, or a scene in a book, movie, or picture.  Dossie and Janet emphasize that you need to give yourself permission to start where you actually are and move from there.  They then talk about different ways to gain additional information and connect with people.  This includes a section on the internet, local groups and resources.

The entire second half of the book is about scenes.  I loved reading through this section.  It has small vignettes in it, but it is filled with information about different types of sexual play.

One example that sticks with me: as a bottom, I want to retreat.  To get “smaller,” but others want to “get bigger.”  If you are playing out a prisoner and interrogation scene and the prisoner wants to survive any ordeal and the captor wants to make the prisoner submit, there is a conflict of goals.  Some other areas discussed are fighting back, forbidden thrills, pain, punishment, closure, bondage.  There is a discussion on after-care and checking in, which goes beyond the initial scene to help process emotions more than physical needs.

The only drawback with this book is its emphasis on all BDSM activities taking place as part of “scenes.”  It’s not how I view my own activities, but I’ve checked with a friend that is more active in the community and he says it’s pretty standard.

Some sites on Eden that would provide additional information about BDSM and related terms are:
BDSM Guide
BDSM Terms
Additional BDSM books on Eden

When I took a second look at this book, I was once again struck by the author's emphasis that being a "bottom" is not something that is done because you are weak. It's something that you do because you are strong. It's not a position of being a victim. You choose to be a bottom because you trust the person you're with, because you're willing to give up part of who you are for a time being and experience feelings. This book is about so much more than anyone could say about victims who are helpless. The entire attitude of the book is actually of empowerment as a BOTTOM. A really cool idea to me.