"Threesome: How to Fulfill your Favorite Fantasy" purports to be THE book that will "explain how to arrange the most sensual of pleasures... it's a map straight to sexual Nirvana". Wow. A tall order. Forgive me my skepticism going in.

Admittedly, I am likely not their target reader. I started having threesomes in my teens, and for four years in my twenties lived in a MFF relationship in which the basic "unit" (if you'll pardon the pun) of sex was the MFF three-way. In my world, having three-way sex is a normal part of everyday life . . . which is why I choked at phrases like "this most sensual of pleasures" and "a map straight to Nirvana". Like 1:1 sex, or even like masturbation, three-way sex is sometimes great, sometimes bad, and sometimes not worth the effort because you are tired, sick, upset with your partner(s) or just plain ole' not-in-the-mood,so-get-off-me-please.

But then I said to myself, "Self", I said, "Not everyone has had the advantage of being an attractive-enough bisexual female in a social context where that is sought after. Have some compassion for the peeps who have walked a different journey".

So I suppressed my purple-prose gag reflex, and kept an open mind. I tried to look at the book from the perspective of people who have never had any three-way sexcapades, and who are eager to find out how to get started.

So for those folks reading this who are eager newbies, here is what I liked about the book:

1. They had a fairly reasonable analysis of why many women may desire a three-way adventure, but never take any steps towards making it happen. (The Coles notes: generally speaking, women don't initiate sexual romps of this kind due to internalized shame related to cultural attitudes and judgments of our sexuality. Reassurance and encouragement can help such women overcome these feelings).

2. They had some concrete advice on how to coax a potential female partner out of her shell. (Coles notes: encourage a number of small "transgressions" that deviate from the cultural script of the "Nice Girl", rather than one big transgression. The 'lead her along the garden path' method, in other words.)

3. They had an accurate (in my opinion, anyway) notion of how games of sex and power work out between people who are strangers meeting strangers, namely that "you don't go home with the girl you want, you go home with the girl who wants you".

Despite these small good points (after all, these tidbits of advice are not exactly earth-shattering. They are freely available on the Internet and on psuedo-scientific sex TV shows that air late at night).

I cannot recommend this book. In fact, by the time I finished it, I hated hated hated hated it.

Why?
1. It approaches sex and relationships as though they are only ever games of manipulation. It reads more like a tactical manual than anything else. I'm not denying that manipulation can play a role in seeking out and keeping new partners, but surely that is not the only thing going on. I guess I'm just disgusted with the scenarios they outline. They all boil down to "say this to manipulate a woman's emotions, and you'll soon be able to get into her pants". This is too reminiscent of awful books like "The Game" and "The Rules" -- books that each suggest, in their own way, that the way to achieve your sexual or romantic goals is to lie, maneuver, and orchestrate. Horse pucky, I say.

2. The information they give on how to hook up with potential play partners is hopelessly outdated. For example, very few people carry pagers anymore, nor are cell phones outlandishly expensive. Also, there is this cool thing that the authors of this book need to be alerted to-- it's called THE INTERNET. *sigh*. A book about how to meet people for sex and fun and maybe more, and it makes no mention of the Internet. I suspect that people who don't understand what is wrong with that would not be on this website reading my review, so I won't preach to the choir. But if someone sent the authors a note about www.Alt.com or even Craig's List, I'm sure they'd be obliged.

3. The authors write as if there is no sex positive community anywhere to be found. I think every medium to large size city in North America has at least one semi-well organized swing club, not to mention that there are many groups and events relating to BDSM. These would be fine places to go out to meet like-minded people, some of whom will have a threesome with you. Sometimes right there, on a couch, while the sex positive event is in progress.

{steps up on soap box for purposes of ranting}

For the love of all that's holy-- I've even had my ass smacked and my pussy fingered by people I just met in freaking *Denver*, which is possibly the most boring city in the entire world. Trust me, if finding the horny and perverted people is possible even in Denver, you can find them somewhere local to you. You do not have to resort to getting the next door neighbor lady partially drunk in order to have a three-way with somebody. Not to mention the small fact that doing so is a form of sexual assault. Gah! I wish someone would kick these authors in the shins. (I wish I was kidding when I tell you that getting people partially inebriated as a prelude to unconventional sex was some of the authors' sage advice. Sadly I am not).

{steps off soapbox}

I think the best way to find a willing and compatible companions for threesomes is to meet up with people both on the Internet and in real life via sex-positive community events. Don't waste your time or money on this book.

Having been prompted to write a two month follow up review, here is it:

This book is still horrible. I still think it's an unreadable and irresponsible piece of trash. No matter how many times I open and close its pages, and open and close my mind, the pernicious and misleading character of the text does not change. I doubt my mind will ever change about this particular item. This book is suitable only for starting campfires, stuffing behind the drywall of drafty rooms, or lining the bird cage.