I purchased He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man and its companion volume, She Comes First, both by Ian Kerner, for my partner and myself as a late Christmas present. I had an obvious motive for making my partner read She Comes First since the book has a tremendous reputation as a guide to cunnilingus.

I thought that if I was going to make my partner brush up on his oral technique, it was only fair that I brush up on my skills as well. I just assumed that He Comes Next would be a book focused on fellatio the way She Comes First is focused on cunnilingus.

Turns out that He Comes Next is actually a really interesting read about the male perspective on love and sex, specifically on love and sex in long-term heterosexual relationships. While the perspective presented in this book is surely not 100% universal, the author does have a wide variety of experiences to draw on from counseling many men and couples.

Throughout the book Kerner focuses quite a bit on male desire and how couples can keep up sexual desire for the long term. Refreshingly, he goes far beyond skimpy lingerie and naughty nurse outfits. Not that Kerner discourages such accessories, but he spends a lot of time on the idea of learning new means of mutual pleasure and sharing sexual fantasies with your partner.

Only in the last few chapters of He Comes Next does Kerner really address techniques, and the focus of this section is on manual techniques rather than oral. The book is very readable, and I picked up a few good tips. A major focus of the book in general and the technique chapter in particular is slowing down and enjoying the moment. Kerner makes no secret of the fact that he is personally and professionally interested in the problem of premature ejaculation, and quite a bit of the book is dedicated to ways to slow down a sexual encounter.

I understand that premature ejaculation is a fairly common problem, but it is just not a problem in my relationship. So the heavy focus Kerner placed on slowing things down was a con for me. I, personally, would have liked to hear about techniques designed to keep the action going in addition to moves for slowing down the pace.

Basically, I would recommend this book to women involved in a long-term, monogamous, heterosexual relationship. Kerner's ideas about maintaining desire in relationships is worth the read. Also, if premature ejaculation is an issue in your relationship, I think you will find this book even more useful.