As much as I’ve enjoyed exploring BDSM dynamics and techniques over the past year, I’ve done so with a sense of awkwardness that I can’t seem to shake. I can dress the part and I can act the part, but there’s something lingering in my soul that seems to distrust the reality of me being a resplendent bitch demanding worship. Even as I’m spanking a bound and blindfolded lover standing in front of me, my inner mantra revolves around some variant of “WTF?”

Enter The Mistress Manual.

Perhaps I’ve simply been reading the wrong books, but I think it’s rare that BDSM authors explicitly address a woman’s ambivalence about unleashing her inner dominant. Mistress Lorelei does, and then some. Her tone is gentle and encouraging, yet that doesn’t for a moment compromise the usefulness of the information she provides.

The book itself is divided into three parts: becoming a mistress; the mistress in action; and five archetypal fantasies.

In the first section on becoming a mistress, Mistress Lorelei addresses the psychological component of dominance. There are the requisite sections on a woman’s inner transformation to dominatrix and finding/creating a submissive male.

There’s also a short, interesting chapter on managing relationships. While some readers may be looking for the dominant/submissive relationship becoming a full-time thing, the author recognizes that’s not the norm. Here Mistress Lorelei provides guidance on how to separate fantasy from reality (and keep it separate).

The second section – the mistress in action – is much more technique oriented. What kind of equipment does a mistress need? How can language be used to channel power? How do you spank? What other types of coercion exist apart from pain? This section answers these questions and others along a similar vein.

The third and final section provides a catalog of fantasies that reader can use as a jumping off point for translating their ideas into concrete scenes. Mistress Lorelei presents five female archetypes: 1) the affectionate nursemaid; 2) the stern governess; 3) the harsh queen; 4) the cruel and mocking amazon; and 5) the goddess (my personal favorite) who demands worship and forces initiates to endure tests of worthiness.

The author’s approach to dominance through these five fantasies seems to be loosely based on Carl Jung’s idea of archetypes.

According to Jung, there are certain basic themes to human life and individual consciousness. Along with that come a set of archetypal figures that we can all recognize – mother, father, child, wise old man, hero, etc.

The flip side of the coin is our shadow selves. We all have the conscious parts of our personalities that draw upon these archetypes. Jung also argued that we have within us repressed and hidden aspects of our conscious selves – the shadows of these archetypes.

The reconciliation of the shadow with the conscious self can be considered one element of psychological well-being. That’s the approach that Mistress Lorelei appears to be taking with the emphasis on exploring these typical fantasies.

For each section, Mistress Lorelei provides the same details: the elements of the fantasy, the skills needed, the pleasure gained by the dominant, the needs of the submissive, how the scene could unfold, and variants on that fantasy.

The Mistress Manual is an excellent place to start exploring one’s fantasies about female dominance – whether those fantasies originate in the woman’s mind or through the encouragement of a curious partner.

It’s creative without being too far out there. It’s intelligent without being inaccessible. It’s fun without being ridiculous. Most importantly, The Mistress Manual provides a wealth of information allowing readers to make their own choices as to what may turn them on once that bedroom door has been closed.