Answers That Lead To Questions

I like to imagine that the woman illustrated of the front cover of "Sex Tips from a Dominatrix" is the author, Patricia Pain herself. Based on that portrayal, she seems a stern and leathery one, indeed. I can almost smell stale cigarette butts as I sit here writing, the book staring disapprovingly back at me. She is described on the back as a very accomplished dominatrix, with a wealth of experience, inspired mainly by her time spent at a "strict boarding school". I shiver at the thought of meeting her in person. I'm not sure I'd survive.

As an dominatrix, I believe the accolades. She writes as someone who has done it all before. Many times before, in fact. And as an author, she's not too bad either. Her tone is pleasant and trustworthy, but is tinged with a shadowy hint of mischief. As the reader, one can't help but feel that any guide but her would be either too soft or too mean. Anyone new to the world of BDSM should be happy to follow her lead.

The book can be described in a few short words: a brief description of all things BDSM. It is very broad and covers a very large number of topics. For example, a quick read of the chapter headings will tell you that Ms. Pain covers topics such as how to dress effectively as a domme or sub, the best and safest knots and how to tie them, spanking methods and implements, bondage clubs and societies, and even how to make your whole BDSM ensemble more travel friendly.

While Ms. Pain is thorough in her writing, this book reads more like an essay or lecture than a guidebook. The way she writes is conversational and easy-going, perhaps because her intended audience is the beginner. But while I was hoping to be instructed, I definitely got the impression that the author was trying to convince me of the merits of BDSM, rather than educate me on how to do it. While informative, much of the writing only skimmed the surface of what I wanted to know.

It should also be noted that while this book describes many scenarios and practices that are related to sex, it doesn't contain any information on actual sex acts.

This book is a paper back and is around 2/3 of an inch thick. There are some illustrations and pictures contained inside, but they are sparse and vague at best. Most guidebooks today are littered with pictures. Usually they are in color, but most importantly, they explicitly show the reader the process of a task from beginning to end. If given the choice between two highly acclaimed books, one with large, comprehensive pictures, and the other with only a few hand drawn and black and white, I will buy the first one every time.

That said, almost anyone can learn something from this book. However, it is my opinion that most people, having had their curiosity peaked will be left scratching their heads thinking "but how?".

"Sex Tips From a Dominatrix" left me wanting more. A lot more. My thought after finishing it was "is that it?" I hate to say it, but porn is 10 times more educational than this book. It tries so hard to be bad, but in my opinion, it is naughty at best.

While I appreciate the author's style and experience, I feel that it is wasted on this outdated format of book. It could be so much better, while maintaining a level of tastefulness and legitimacy.