When You Know You Love It|You Know You Love It arrived with its pink cover featuring a woman’s perfectly round ass quite prominently on the front, I knew I was not quite the target audience. As a gay boy, I’m hardly looking to cultivate or revel in the pleasures of female dominance. Aside from the vicarious campy pleasure they provide, tips on coordinating lipstick, latex and lingerie are pretty much lost on me. Nevertheless, I found the book to be a fun, indulgent romp through a world of sexual exploration.

Written by former pro-domme and practicing therapist Ilona Paris, You Know You Love It is structured as part personal memoir and part sex guide, guiding the reader into the world of S/M with titillating anecdotes and informative insets. A very girly guide presenting S/M as fun, playful and mischievous, the book admirably expands the boundaries of kinky sex by urging its readers to expand our own.

The emphasis is on becoming more sexually adventurous and exploring one’s sexual desires. While the author provides plenty of kinky info for newbies, the real strength of the book lies in her emphasis on finding your own turn-ons. In a chapter on aural sex, for example, Ilona provides some hot stories and tips, but then is careful to say that there’s nothing prudish or uptight about not getting turned on by talking dirty. Just find something else that does turn you on!

This is a very sensual book, and there is particularly alluring attention paid to fetish gear. The book is chock-full of great leads on what to wear if you’re a feminine woman exploring sexual dominance. I would have liked to see a few more explicit tips on the care and feeding of latex, though, since this is a book geared (in my opinion) to people relatively new to the scene who may not already know how to keep it blindingly shiny.

At times the author falls into purple prose (“I quivered at the tantalizing sensation”), but I was willing to forgive her for it because the book was, for the most part, written in a glamorous voice that appeals to a homo like me. Of a particularly racy latex dress, Ilona writes: “It was kind of like wearing a giant elastic, but darling, it looked marvelous!” It seems even a queer boy bottom has something to learn from Ms. Paris’ lessons in sexual mischief.