2 little monkeys jumping on the bed

If you have had sex more then fingers on your hand, and you have talked to your partner enough to know his name; you will not learn anything new. This book is written for 8th graders, and they are not old enough to be on this site.
Published:
Pros
short read
Cons
dribble, had nothing to learn, wasted 30 minutes of my life reading it.
Rating by reviewer:
1
extremely useful review
One: you, the female portion of the couple. It goes over some possible hang ups you might have about his penis. And how to make time for pleasing him.

Two: no two penis's are the same. Wait, what? There is no other penis exactly like mine? Thank God for the clone-a-willy kit. But seriously, who believes that all penis's are the same? Ar that all vagina's are the same? The chapter also went through the different parts or the penis and balls, in case you were not paying attention in health class, or do not watch tv, or live under a rock.

Three: sexual response cycle. Again, one of those things you learn in 5th grade health class. But then, his sexual phases should not really matter too much to you. We get hard, we feel good, we cum. Pretty simple. This chapter also asks whether or not you wish to taste his cum. I am sure that is something you have already thought about, or you have already had that conversation with your partner. And it does not go through a whole lot of information, just that each guy taste different. Oh damn, I spoiled the plot. She does give a recipe for a smoothie to sweeten his cum.

Four: flirting and dirty talking. Again, the book just skims the topic, nothing more in dept then a childs book. Simple ideas like sexting him, emailing him a dirty picture, and a dirty note in his lunch. It goes over using candles in the bedroom, music playing in the background, or taking a bath together. (she went over all of this on two very short pages, one with a picture that took up over 3/4 of the page. So not very in depth) She suggest dirty talking while going at it. Some peoples wild off the way ideas! But you should only do it if you are comfortable doing it, or do like she says and start off slow and work up to it.

Five: grooming, both yourself and him. But mostly about him. I guess that if you are hairy, you can trap bad smells. You learn something new everyday. So she goes over how you can shave him. I do not know about your guy, but no one but me goes near my package with anything sharp. I dont care how much she loves me, she is not shaving my junk. I will take care of it my self. Besides, I know my wife does not want me to shave her naughty bits.

Six: lubes. This is a chapter I would expect to have a lot more info then what was there. She basically goes quickly over water based, silicone based, and oil based lubes. Not much about ingredients to watch out for possibly causing infections.

Seven: hand jobs. Her first suggesting is to have him show you what he enjoys, but jacking off while you watch. This was a good idea, not a new idea but a good one. This was something my wife and I tried many many years ago, without reading a book. But then we were friends before we were sleeping together, so we communicated with each other.
She goes over some basic techniques on hand jobs. Nothing special. All ones you can find while talking to your partner and giving him a hand job. You do not need this book for that. Its a hand job, not building a airplane.

Eight: blow jobs. Start off slow with some teasing, then move on to the physical. She writes that you should enjoy giving him the blow job, it should not be a job. I could not fully agree more with that statement. I enjoy eating pussy, and she knows it. She should enjoy giving a blow job. She goes over some basic techniques on giving a blow job. Remember ladies, no teeth. They can hurt. Other then that, there is nothing special in this chapter. All basic stuff that you should already know, or could find out pretty easy after giving your first blow job and talking to him.

Nine: pleasing his back door, or the naughty hole. I guess you need to communicate and use lube while exploring his naughty hole. There is a small paragraph on the p-spot, and rimming. A little about using your finger. A few pages about basic anal toys. Just about their basic shape and how to use them. And a short blurb about harnesses, only that they are becoming more popular to hetero couples.
Experience
Ten: what to do if he cant get it up, or if he is unable to cum. She does not go over any scientific reasons, just the basics that it happens to each of us and not to worry about him not being able to perform that day, there is always tomorrow. Now speaking from experience, this does not happen to most guys. We can get past the BS of the day, and concentrate on the sex for 5 minutes. Then when all is said and done, go back to worrying about the BS. But she is right, it does happen from time to time. She does not really come out and state it, but she should; if it happens to your guy, most likely it is not about you. She also lightly touches pills and pumps to take care of the problem.

The appendix covers safe sex practices. Again, in case your school did not have a health class.

Over all I felt that my kids favorite book about 2 monkeys jumping on the bed had more depth to it then this one. It was so basic and had so much dribble. We learned nothing from it. I do not think I would have learned anything from reading it back when I was 16. I would still feel this way if I received this book for free. I paid for it, and I want my money back. Save your money, unless you are a 16 year old virgin you wont learn anything new.
Follow-up commentary
There will not be a follow up to this review, I threw out the book. No need to keep it around. I hated reading it the first time, I know I wont read it a second time.
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Comments
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  • Contributor: arewehavingfun?
    I guess all the monkeys fell out of bed and the doctor said, forget about it--don't call me back!!!
  • Contributor: acessorie
    thanks!
  • Contributor: spunkmonkey
    Great review, sorry the book sucked.
  • Contributor: Princess-Kayla ?
    I hated this book when I read it. Everything is obvious, and as I was reading it to my husband, he was disgusted by some of the ideas this woman had. I believe at one point she said it's a good idea to bit his penis. Um, no, I like my man wanting me around his junk.
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