My friends tell me I'm funny, well, at least they would if I had any friends. I don't think I am, but I do know that I'm someone that does fairly well with situational comedy and conversations that require a quick wit. Humor and I have had a few dates every now and again, but it has yet to make a real commitment. I want to go steady but it just wants to be friends with benefits.

The Goo Gobblin' Granny Love Doll was my opportunity to have my husband help me for once. He provided his penis, and a few punch lines, and I'll be providing you with the review.

The box is a dream. I don't know who the model is but she's hot. She has one of those mouths that looks like it's been working as long as Joan Rivers, her tits fall to her belly button, yet sadly they look a little bit perkier than mine. She's featured ‘cover girl style’, with her walker and a pearl necklace, and overall looks like one classy broad.

Inside of the box is a different story. Our cover Granny had red hair and floppy breasts, our blow-up Granny has gray hair (she also seems to be balding), and breasts with big brown veins that look like they were drawn on with a Crayola marker. In between her breasts is something that looks like a superhero breastplate; I'm not sure what the hell it's supposed to be. My husband said hair, but I'd rather not picture my blow-up Nana as having chest hair.

Granny also sports two large, inverted nipples that were made to suck on, and two shoulder pads that would leave even Krystle Carrington feeling like a jealous bitch.

Granny has one sexy open eye that looks dramatically off into the distance and another eye that looks like it was swollen shut from an abusive orderly at her nursing home. My husband said she looked like a stroke victim, but that was just a little too geriatric for my taste, so we're sticking with the Nursing Home Fight Club scenario. Both eyes are capped by magical eyebrows, that looked like they were drawn with a fine tip sharpie.

There is a protrusion on her face where her nose should be, followed by two tiny circles that I presume, are supposed to be nostrils. Her mouth is open (because Granny's ready whenever you are), and lined in a very vibrant pink vinyl. You can easily fit three fingers up to the second knuckle inside of her mouth, but a penis is a whole other story.

Traveling south, she has a surprisingly slight waist, looks like our Nana wasn't much of an eater. Starting at where Granny's belly button would be is her pubic hair, this travels down to where her two thighs start to split. Between the glorious oblong mound of wavy, hand drawn, pubes is her heavenly vagina. This orifice is slightly bigger than her mouth and you're able to bury your fingers inside of it. It's also lined in pink vinyl, much like her mouth, but it's trimmed in uneven peach colored vinyl that you'll want to take a pair of scissors to so that it doesn't scrape up the sides of your penis.

Nana also sports some gorgeous gams, knees that bend, and my guess a pair of size 7 feet. When held up she's a little under 5', so if you squint really hard, she's like a little vinyl Sophia Petrillo.

In the rear is her crown and glory, her ass. The hole is wide and gaping. If you've had trouble inserting your cock into her other orifices, her ass may prove to be a little bit more accommodating; it's wider and deeper than the others. The asshole is not lined in pink vinyl, but peach vinyl; and I'm surprised the art student that went crazy on her chest didn't use the same brown Crayola marker back here for some realistic visualization.

This blow-up doll comes with a patch kit, just in case you pop a hole or break a hip, and a pair of "false teeth" that are nothing more than wind-up teeth with feet that you'd find at a joke shop. I was hoping for an actual pair of dentures, or maybe even the insertable teeth you buy for Halloween costumes, but no our Granny came with just a cheap pair of clackers that walk around on your desk.

After having watched my husband unsuccessfully try to have sex with this doll (I might have videotaped it for insurance purposes); I feel that the Goo Gobblin' Granny was more suited as a practical joke, or a date to any bachelor or frat party, than as a sexual partner.

To inflate this doll I blew it like a groupie at a Brett Michael's concert. I highly recommend you use a pump made for an exercise ball or bicycle as it will take a lot less effort and time than your mouth.

Pictures are here: www.SleepingDreamer.com

We popped a hole in Granny, can you believe that?!

Silly me, we decided to let one of our friends "play" with her when we all got drunk. It took 3 of us to blow her up while intoxicated and I'll tell you, our Golden Girl hasn't had so many mouths on her since the Reagan administration!

She elicited some serious reactions, I'm sure my neighbors were wondering if we were practicing Pagan rituals as we danced around with her during Super Mario's version of DDR (Dance, Dance Revolution). Yes, even professional adults can act absurdly ridiculous.

After the party we tossed her in the hall closet and the next day we came to find her completely deflated. We gave her a proper burial as we knew we wouldn't need to patch her up because sadly, she's been pretty useless... I blame her arthritis.

The funeral was brief, lots of tears were shed, and if you'd like to pay your respects, please do so now.