The Realistic Pocket Masturbator may not have a very creative name but it certainly describes its function as a low-cost, easy-to-use slab of pussy-meat to give your cock an exciting evening. It’s a lot more fun and stimulating than watching a presidential debate! Furthermore, it’ll keep your dick hard and you won’t need to wait for an election to get the results. What could be better than that?

This entry-level masturbator is useful for those wishing to feel presidential – you’ll never worry about someone calling you Tricky-Dick and you can play with your Johnson for as long as you want without having to worry about the polls. Indeed, the only poll [sic] you’ll worry about is the one between your legs. However, you’ll also need to see a significant increase in your numbers before inserting it into this masturbator! Specifically, you’ll need to be fully erect in order to penetrate it with your Washington’s Post.



Interestingly, the masturbator comes with an adjustable egg-shaped vibrator. Unfortunately, the lack of directions makes its use about as clear as a Congressional bill. With no instructions provided, it’s up to each user to figure out what feels best and how to use it. I tried multiple approaches myself. It’s really too tight to put both your hard dick and the vibrator inside the masturbator. As an average size guy, I pop out of the end very easily so sticking the vibrator inside the end of the masturbator really didn’t work for me. One way that was kind of fun was to thread the vibrator into the end and out the hole (where you insert your dick) and let it hang down between your nuts – that may be one way to obtain a nearly unanimous vote! Perhaps the best feature of the vibrator is that it has an adjustable power setting which can be fun to experiment with.

Like most pocket pussies, this masturbator is made from TPR, a rubber polymer blend that is somewhat porous. The interior lacks any texture and is smoother than any Teflon president. Don’t expect to have explosive results with this as the lack of stimulating nubs simply provides little additional stimulation. However, once inserted (again men, you need to be very hard) the tightness feels very good and is great if you’re in the need for a long masturbation session (especially during Presidential Debates).

One good feature is that this masturbator feels really great when warmed up to body temperature. Simply insert it in warm water or lay on it before you start your jackoff session and you’ll have a better experience. Although the vibrator can be fun, it’ll make you feel numb if you use it during long sessions so don’t expect it to do much more than make things a bit more interesting.

No limp dicks allowed with this one – it is absolutely necessary to arise to the occasion and be fully prepared to enter this pussy (like Anthony’s Weiner) as the hole is very small. Anything less than a full Boehner won’t allow you into the inner reaches of this chamber! Indeed, you’ll need to grease your palm (and your cock too) if you want to explore the hidden mysteries of this pussy. Lots of lube is required if you want to pork this rubber barrel – even if you make a lot of your own (as I do). Once inside, you’ll feel like the IRS is working overtime to squeeze everything out of you. The masturbator, although tight, will fit most dicks and penis size doesn’t matter (Sorry, Donald, Ted, Marco, and the rest of you). Given its tightness, I’m not sure it will accommodate left (or right) leaning dicks like Bill’s. Mine’s not curved so no problems for me as I’m stuffing the ballot box. Overall, this masturbator easily fits into a man’s hand and can be squeezed and stroked for additional stimulation.

If you can use a voting machine or are capable of writing-in a candidate, you can use this masturbator! Just insert a dick (yours or someone else’s) and let the inaugural ball begin! The adjustable vibrator will add a few more fireworks but don’t expect too much. Even so, the vibrator is simple to adjust and worth experimenting with to enhance your masturbatory experience.

It may be used with both water and silicone based lubes. The masturbator is easily cleaned with warm water and toy cleaners or mild soap. Do not using boiling water to clean. Once used, this pussy needs to be stored in a plastic container as it’s a lint magnet.

This is the first time I’ve seen a toy that did not come with any type of packaging other than a plain brown box with the toy wrapped in plastic and the vibrator wrapped separately. No instructions (or batteries) were provided.

If you need to get your Donald Trumped up, just Slick Up your Willie and you’ll have a Hilar-y-ous time! For the price, it’s a basic masturbator that will allow you to find something productive to do during very long political debates (and other challenging tasks).