Since discovering toys, my cock has sought out the final frontier. Its mission is to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new thrills and new experiences, to boldly go where no penis has gone before. With that in mind, the Robo Suck beckoned my manhood with an exceptionally strong gravitational pull: a place where automated pleasure would suck (in a good way) and provide a stellar experience. Perhaps it would even allow me to see stars! The premise behind this launch pad is a good one: insert penis, crank up the engines, let it suck away while building up to warp speed, and then eventually explode like a supernova. Wow! What a journey that would be!

When the Robo Suck arrived, I was prepared to begin my odyssey: I put on the only suit required for this space trip (not sure why it's called a "birthday suit" but it certainly worked), ensured that the hardware was fully lubricated, did a systems check (okay, so I made sure that the batteries were operational within the control unit), inserted my somewhat flaccid missile into the launch chamber, braced myself for the takeoff, and hit the ignition button (the countdown was skipped because I was so eager to shoot for the stars). Well . . . I waited, waited some more, and sat in anticipation for the explosion to occur. Instead, it was a total mission failure.

Unfortunately I tend to be an optimist whenever it comes to penis expeditions and, with an eye on new discoveries, I had planned in earnest for the moment of launch while failing to consider setbacks as part of the equation. When the launch time came and all I got was the blare of rocket engines and little more, I have to admit I was humbled: my propulsion system looked like a piece of space junk and not like the enormous pillar of power capable of penetrating even the most restrictive atmosphere that I had anticipated. In frustration, I checked my nozzle, my pumps, my frame, and my thrusters - everything was in working order. I even placed an oh-ring around my well-oiled and greased up payload structure to provide extra support and still, at subsequent attempts to launch, almost nothing happened. Even paying extra attention to my nose cone (which is always the most sensitive part) prior to lift off did very little to encourage my liquid fuel boosters to ignite: there just wasn't enough buildup to release my pressurized payload - even when I devoted considerable attention to my tanks, pumping procedures, and all of the associated plumbing.

Eventually, I came to realize that the Robo Suck is a viable tool for very long journeys into deep space but, at the same time, good ol' fashioned manual labor is ultimately required to blast off. Fortunately, the trek through deep space is often a long one and allows penisnauts (like me) to pay a lot of attention to their equipment while also enjoying the moments of discovery.

The Robo Suck is certainly an imposing device. Besides its rather hefty size (capable of launching most sizes of rockets), the first thing I noticed is that it has a rather sweet smell. Even now, after playing with it for some time, the smell is still there. The problem is, I can't quite place what it's like - perhaps it's similar to strawberries? Maybe it's the smell of plastic or rubber? I really can't tell for sure except to state that it has a sweet, somewhat fruity, scent. It certainly isn’t rocket fuel.

This pump (if it can really be called that) consists of a clear rigid outside cylinder made from durable ABS plastic that has a channel cut through one side. This channel allows the motorized vibrating unit to be positioned in the most optimal spot (or spots) for each individual penis. Although this unit does not automatically move up and down the cylinder during use, it can be manually adjusted if desired. There is a black rubber cap that encloses the top of the cylinder and a donut shaped ring on the other end that helps to hold the translucent inner penis sleeve in place. The inner sleeve is quite thick and has no texture. The lack of texture is very disappointing as it provides almost no stimulation. Although it's not specifically stated, I believe that the sleeve is made from PVC. While the Robo Suck is not entirely clear and the vibrating unit is held on place with a band that obscures part of your view, it's still great to watch it do its job.

Overall, the Robo Suck is quite large (the cylinder is 8 1/2 inches long and the inner sleeve has a diameter of 2 inches) and will accommodate most penises. A battery pack, that uses 4 C batteries, has a switch that is rolled to adjust the intensity of the vibration. The power supply/control unit is tethered to the pump and is somewhat inconvenient and distracting. Overall, there is not a great deal of difference between the lower and higher power settings.

Although it can't be seen in the picture, there is a beaded metal ring that is attached to the vibrating unit that wraps around the outside of the penis sleeve. This ring is probably intended to provide the most stimulation during use and, as I've already mentioned, can be positioned as desired. When I first tried the Robo Suck, I felt almost nothing (really) and I was about to give up on it when I realized that the metal ring can be bent so as to get a better grip on your rocket. From that point on, I began to enjoy the pump more. Even so, the inner sleeve is very thick and lacks any texture: this limits the sensations felt from the beaded ring and the lack of texture provides almost no stimulation all at all. While even the highest settings on the control unit aren’t exceptionally powerful, manually moving the penis sleeve during use (which can be done because the channel for the vibrating unit on the side is quite large) can help with the experience.

My biggest complaint concerns the noise the Robo Suck makes - a real rocket engine would be quiet in comparison! Actually, it sounds like a car with an ignition that's about to go dead. It can easily be heard in other rooms so use with caution! I certainly wouldn't travel with the Robo Suck as it's not very discreet.

Cleaning the Robo Suck appears to be a daunting task but isn’t as difficult as it looks. The inner sleeve can be removed from the cylinder and the manufacturer states that it is "washable." Reassembly is a bit of a challenge but not impossible. A water-based lube is recommended. Although many of the materials are washable this pump should not be used in water as it is not completely waterproof.

With the words "Robo Suck" printed in bold on five sides of the box, this toy is not very discreet and the photograph of the pump also does not require a lot of imagination to determine its intended use. Simple instructions are provided and essentially state: insert batteries, apply lots of lube, insert semi-erect or erect penis, turn on motor, adjust position of vibrating unit, and enjoy.

Interestingly, the manufacturer (Doc Johnson) requests that you follow them on Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace - maybe so you can let your friends and family know that you use the Robo Suck! Of course, a web site is also provided so that you can register this product. Perhaps the most enlightening statement on the box is that "Use of this product is done at your own risk. This is a recreational device and is not empirically validated." Nothing like a little good clean recreation every now and then!

By now, it should be evident that the Robo Suck isn't the most stimulating toy but that's not necessarily a bad thing as one can just kick back and enjoy the experience for a very long time. Once I figured out that the beaded ring attached to the vibrating device can be adjusted, I started to appreciate it a bit more, even though it never does make me see stars. So far, I've had to finish off all of my journeys by hand as even on its highest settings, this pump won’t ignite my engines.

I’ve found that it's helpful to use a cock ring to keep things up as the Robo Suck is not very tight (in fact, if the beaded inner ring isn't adjusted, not much is felt at all). Although it is also, arguably, a penis pump, the "sucking" sensations are minimal and, to be honest, the sleeve is so loose that it doesn't make a good seal around my cock. There is one thing, however, that really did surprise me. After I learned to adjust it, I discovered that I could still last a very long time and that it also made my cock bigger (temporarily) in both length and girth. Why? I really don't know as there is very little suction (like you would expect from a penis pump or being sucked by a humanoid) but I've now noticed this several times. Perhaps the Robo Suck merely helps to properly pressurize the cabin. Overall, the Robo Suck is useful for spending some quality time with your penis.