It's like my grandpappy always said... "Son, there's only two liars in this world, those that say they never have and those that say they never will!"

Obviously he was referring to Flogging the Dolphin, Butterin' the Beefsteak, Gaggin' the Goose, Polishing the Purple Helmeted Warrior of Love, and my personal favorite...Punchin' the Munchkin! Okay, so my grandpappy never told me that, what kind of sick perverted family do you think I have! But I digress...

The Basic Essentials Beaded Masturbator is for a one man show. Unless your significant other would like to use it on you, which would be weird... Anyway, it claims to be Soft...check, Stretchy...check, & Super Tight...ummmm, not so much. The 4 rows of silver (plastic) beads do add extra stimulation but it wasn't enough for me. Be careful with these beads however, they pop out if you get too vigorous! It says to use a water based lube but I used a silicone lube and it was fine (Gun Oil brand). If you don't already know, using silicone lubes on some toys have an adverse reaction and the lube alters the chemical bonding of the toy and that's no bueno senor!

As with most masturbators, there are fake labia on the outside of it to make your johnson think he's pounding away at the real thing. The only problem is that with this toy: A) It stretches so much they go away and B) They're BLUE! What is this, Smurfette?!?! Actually, I'll be back....ahhhhh....Smurfette...I may actually like this thing now! Note to self....market blue pocket pussy as Smurfette's Night Out...this idea at least deserves two stars.

The Beaded Masturbator comes in a standard cardboard box and the toy is in a plastic bag for sanitary purposes. I highly recommend keeping this bag to store it in because it attracts lint like an electromagnetic air purifier! It's made from TPR so make sure you clean it thoroughly before you store it. I filled up the sink with water and copious quantities of antibacterial soap to clean it (don't forget the inside!). Come to think of it, cleaning the inside of the Beaded Masturbator turned me on more than using it. I LOVE fingering my wife and this was the closest thing to it! It was a real pain to clean it though and it took forever before I thought it was clean enough. I kept cleaning until it was tacky inside and out, kinda like the dish soap commercial where they squeak the Tupperware.

One quick note about sharing this toy... Dude, get your own, sicko!! But if you must, cover it with plastic, use condoms, double wrap it, you're touching me...don't stare into my eyes like that!! Seriously though, I wouldn't suggest sharing this, there's way too many dangers in cleanliness to waste your time trying.

On the side of the box it reads, "This product is intended for use as a novelty product only." I couldn't have said it better! If you want to try something unique, go ahead and get this toy. As for me, I'm sticking with good old Rosie and her five sisters.