I identify as a queer male, but this week I decided to try things a bit differently. I asked to review a toy that was modeled after a vagina, and in my mailbox I received “Beyond 2000 Open and Say Ahhh” by Pipedream.

 Now talking about just the toy itself, it was shipped in a very large box. It’s a very heavy toy because it’s solid silicone. The box has a picture of a very processed looking porn star. The box description says that the toy is there for you to use, that “she” is bending over for you to stick it in her. I obviously was not excited by this description, but I could see how it could turn on a straight or bi male.

 When I opened up the box I was very excited and curious. This was the closest I had been to having sex with a vagina. From the image of the toy on the box, I felt like this toy would be fun and exciting. To my dismay, however, the toy was deformed. I think it had been lying on its side for a while, so the toy had been reformed to the shape of its packaging. It looked like this model had been branded to a fence and had half of her ass removed. This made me feel really uncomfortable. It smelled like those squishy balls with those dozens of tentacles. It didn’t seem sexy to me. But it was soft to the touch, so I decided to proceed. I popped on some porn and lubed up

 What I found difficult about this toy was that because it has to lie flat, I had to adjust my body in order to be able to fuck it. I tried putting it on a pillow to see if I could raise it up a bit. But the difference between a real person and a modeled toy is that a real person has mass and weight. This toy didn’t have the solid body to be able to bounce back. I had nothing to hold. When I humped, it sank into the pillow. Plus, as a bottom, I was not used to doing so much work.

 The toy came with a remote with two vibrating eggs. They vibrations of the eggs I would rate 3 Vrooms. When turned on, there was a very nice up in the toy. I would also only rate them 3 Bees because once in the toy, the noise was muffled.

 After a while of fucking, I felt it was it was time to re-lube. When I looked down at myself and pulled out, I notice that little flecks of the toy were eroding and coming off on my dick. This was a very big turn off. My dick felt chalky. It was difficult to reach a climax because I was getting sore and I was starting to lose interest. My orgasm was mediocre.

 I think I would rate the “Beyond 2000 Open and Say Ahhh” 3 stars. Taking into consideration that I’m a gay male, I don’t really think I’ll be using this toy again, but it was an interesting experience.