So here I was last week, feeling in the mood for a nice piece of ass yet not having any close at hand. Being a cheerful sort of people-hating misanthrope I opted to look around for something that could at least fill in the wanted part of the sexual equation that happily skips over that whole pick-someone-up bit of the usual arrangement.

Quite a few interesting ones to be had, but I had a fairly large order to place so I went for budget butt.

And so, there arrives my Doc Johnson Ass Palm Pal made of UR3 material and in a fairly close approximation to Plum Crazy Purple, which is my favourite colour on a muscle car, though I could take it or leave it on something I'm wanting to slip my little dictator into.

Packaging
Comes in a smallish box made up in a nice shade of malachite green, through the Plum Crazy pucker on three sides somewhat distorts the soothing colour. Claims to be made of Silagel UR3 material; which is anti-bacterial, non-toxic, latex-free and cadmium free. Bunch of writing in big friendly letters too - 'ASS Palm Pal UR3!' - 'TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT' - 'Handy Size' - 'Get Off!' - 'SLIP IT IN!' and so forth. Has a small advert on the back for the Mouth and Pussy pals, too. Fairly good packaging, gets to the point, certainly, though I suspect they could have done without the 'Get Off!' bit... unless it is a sort of warning.

Product
As I said, the product is UR3 material in Plum Crazy Purple. It is much thicker at one end than the other, with the entrance being particularly thick for about an inch and a half, then narrowing and becoming rounded bumps to make for a good grip. The pucker of the entrance is quite realistic looking so the original mold is probably from someone's actual rear. It is a point in its favour, to my eye.
Like The Tube, the UR3 material feels quite nice, but the thickness of it at the entrance makes it quite resistant to pressure, so producing a fairly accurate representation of anal sex.
It has a bit of a scent to it, a bit rubbery and a bit fruity, but it isn't bad at all. Doesn't taste like anything either.
The toy is 4-1/2" long and 2" wide at its widest point. The entrance is about the width of a pencil's eraser.

Everything seems in order...

So, I've got my Wet! Original Gel all ready, my member has become a mighty pillar, rarin' to go and I got this handy new toy all cleaned and warmed up.

Unf.

Jaes.

Yeah, tight is right. It takes me a few tries and a bit of extra lube to actually get inside.

The interior surface is made up of a few dozen little bumps, which seem kind of pointless seeing as the thing is so tight you can't feel them at all. Tight. Bloody tight. Not in the 'Oh baby, you are so tight!' way, but the 'Fucking hell, get me out of this vice!' way.

Now, I've said before that I am an average male - just nosing in at 5" long and 4.75" circumference - lower end of average, really and this thing almost hurts. Still, I am nothing if not a trooper and stuffing penises into things is what men are for. I keep going and after a bit of time it seems to get a little bit easier - perhaps it just needed a bit of stretching or something. Things start to get good for a few pumps then lube starts to leak over my hand from the rear hole.

The thing is so tight that every stroke was like a squeegee on my member, clearing off that handy lube and ejecting it the only way it could go.

Well, I finished myself off with the thing, though I had to make a fair bit of a mess with all the extra lube I had to use. Despite being shorter than my willy, the material did stretch lengthwise enough so that I didn't actually pop out the other side, though I could just see the tip.

If one is to use this, make sure to have some of that particularly durable anal lube handy - the sort that you can grease heavy machinery with. I know I certainly won't get giving it another go until I do - it is just too tight for even average men.

Cleaning
Open at both end and quite small - this toy is as easy to clean as any other penis sleeve - I just rinse it out with some hot tap water and soak it in some anti-bacterial handsoap for a few minutes, rinse again then air dry. Simple.

Okay, so I brought in some of the 'Good Stuff' in the lube department; the thick, extra-slick anal lube stuff that is guaranteed to make the party nice and slippery.

Didn't help. At all.

And as a side note, friction burn should never, ever be associated with penises. Happily, I wasn't subject to full-on screaming rug burn, but I was feeling very uncomfortable with myself for about an hour afterwards and wishing dreamily for my ice-packs to hurry up and freeze.

This thing is in the trash. Do not get one unless you've got really good lube and are a bit less than average in the pants department. UR3 is great material, but not with this toy.