When I first saw the picture of the Ultra-7 Ring, I was frightened, but oh so intrigued. It's large, jelly spiked, and- did I mention large? We're talking Grade A Large Egg huge. To me, that's slightly abnormal with something that's supposed to go between two thrusting bodies that are thrusting against each other.

Starting with the physical, non-use aspects, the thing seems cool at first. The jelly material is soft, and the remote has a good shape and feel, and even a little clip to keep from getting lost or separated. Putting batteries in was easy enough, and cleaning seems simple too. The remote (which is a great idea, really) has an On/Off button, and a "7" setting button, with a little LED light so... you can see when you turn it on? No idea why the light is there.

When it came in, it seemed reasonable enough. Until I put in the batteries.

The egg itself takes 6 watch batteries, yup 6. The remote takes one AAA. When I reconstructed this thing, I was expected one hell of a punch.

I didn't get one.

There are three main settings- low, medium, and high- as well as four other rhythm settings. That's great for some people, but rhythms don't really do much for me, and I prefer just straight pulsing, but that's a personal preference. Either way, none of these sensations go past a Vroom of about 2.8. I was pretty disappointed. But I figured, hey, the thing's huge, maybe it doesn't need to be too strong.

I was wrong again.

During use, the thing's too big and not strong enough in the least. While trying to make it work, I could barely feel it against my clit, and all it seemed to do was get in the way.

Back to the size. Along with a huge vibrator on top, the ring itself is pretty damn big. It's thick and wide, and it seems that the average penis size would probably have a hard time getting it to stay on (or in one place, for that matter). When W. and I tried it, it pretty much cut his length in half. Upon penetration, I could barely tell he was there, and we had to maneuver around a good five or six times before we could find a position that worked, even then it just wasn't right.

A remote controlled (especially wireless) vibrating cock ring seems like a great idea, but this one just doesn't live up to its expectations at all.

This might be a malfunction in mine alone, but I had a big problem with the high setting. After about a full minute of use during sex, the vibrator would switch to the next setting for about five seconds, and then turn off.

Being that the higher setting was the only setting that I could actually feel, this became an extreme inconvenience and led to us taking it off and tossing it to the side. Perhaps it's simply a malfunction in mine (it's probably not the batteries, they're brand new), but if it's not, that's definitely one hell of a creation flaw.