When I found out that I would be receiving a mail order bride to review, I could hardly contain my excitement! I counted down the minutes and hours until our first encounter; as my wife gave me dirty looks from the corner of her eye. Needless to say that when my mail order bride arrived, I was a bit let down. Maybe it was a bit unrealistic of me to actually think I would be receiving the real thing but it doesn’t hurt to wish right?

Okay, so I may not have seriously been expecting a real mail order bride because that would make me a bigamist, and I’m not exactly sure mail order brides are even legal. I was expecting something a bit more than what I received though. Don’t get me wrong here though because the mail order bride would make a wonderful addition to any bachelor or bachelorette party, as well as a damn fine gag gift. But, if you’re looking for something a bit more usable, you might want to look elsewhere.

The mail order bride is made entirely of PVC. That means that she’s just a sexy version of most inflatable pool loungers so if pool loungers are what does it for you, you need this doll! If not, then I should probably also warn you about her two “love passages”. Unfortunately these anal and vaginal penetration points have not been trimmed smoothly. There are rough edges that could potentially cause you some problems. Because of this, I highly recommend the use of extreme amounts of lube to cut down on friction and possible abrasions. Just make sure you only use water or silicone based lubes with her so you don’t damage her lovely skin. Cleaning her is best done in the shower with antibacterial soap and water.

Another point worth mentioning is the fact that if anyone should ever have the opportunity to see you making out with this doll, you’ll never live it down! I can’t even begin to describe how odd it felt for me to be trying to get it on with this doll as my wife walked into the room. Yeah, I’m sure it was a funny site to see but I had already mustered up all of the desire I possibly could and she was able to extinguish any trace amounts left when she entered the room, laughing.

The mail order bride doesn’t look as bad as the other dolls I’ve had the privilege of experimenting with though and she totally lacks that gaping mouth in the shape of an O that other dolls have as well. Of course, this also means that you will not be able to penetrate your mail order bride orally. But on the other hand, you won’t have to look at her gaping mouth either.

Her face really isn’t so bad and I found it to actually be reminiscent of Halloween masks of yesteryear. You know, the kind that were thin plastic or pvc with a rubber band to hold it on your head? That is what the mail order brides face reminds me of minus the cut outs for eyes and breathing. Her blonde hair is only around the frame of this mask too, so be warned that she is having some hair loss issues. The back of her head is completely bald!

The blushing bride has a completely hairless body, has no toes, fingers, or a belly button. It states on the overview of this bride that she is 5 inches tall where she is actually 5 feet tall. I believe this is a misprint, but I knew what they meant. Her body is a flesh color except for her nipples and vaginal hole which are both pink. She also has her white fence net thigh high stockings with lacy tops painted on to help keep them up. She doesn’t vibrate or anything special but she does come equipped with a set of instructions, a patch kit, a white pvc wedding veil, a white pvc halter top, a white pvc mini skirt and a clear garter with flowers on it. So you’ll be all set for your ultimate wedding fantasy. Talk about sexy!

I can't help mentioning how badly I want to fill my new bride up with helium! It would be so cool to tie a string to her foot and let her float around but I’m afraid I’d be in violation of some kind of ordinance or something. If I can’t fill her up with helium then perhaps I’ll be able to use her and Jill Kelly as scarecrows next year to keep pests out of our garden. I'll probably have to put clothes on them or I’ll be in violation of some other kind of ordinance or something.

All in all, this is a great gag gift that would add a wonderful sense of humor to several occasions but I can’t really recommend it as a “go to toy.” There’s just too much work involved blowing her up and dressing her, especially at my age! I’m so out of breath by the time she’s ready that I’m not!

The mail order bride has a perfectly made up face! She doesn’t have an eyebrow hair out of place or any flaws that I can tell! Her purple eyeshadow is applied perfectly as well as her pink lipstick. While I don’t think she’s an everyday use toy, I think she could be used as a prop or decoration. You see, she reminds me a bit of a barbie doll or the good witch of the north from wizard of Oz, minus the curly hair. She could possibly be dressed up in a costume as a decoration or something.