Manufactured by California Exotics, the El Toro 'enhances' the wearer's penis in much the same way a set of longhorn tusks 'enhances' the hood of your Cadillac. It's an incredibly elaborate toy made of transparent TPR, which is meant to be put on the shaft of your cock to strengthen an erection, increase girth and provide all sorts of sensory 'enhancements' to the recipient.

I grew up on a farm, so I've been trained to be wary of bulls - and El Toro is no exception. The length of it is a sort of concertina of clear plastic, that's meant to stretch out over your erection like a Chinese finger trap. Hard, metal ball-bearings are embedded in the plastic, to offer increased sensation. At the glans end of the enhancer, there's a ring that resembles a Venus fly-trap. That's meant to cling to the base of your glans. At the root of El Toro is a beautifully molded plastic bull, whose head is hollow (to accept a bullet vibrator) and who's soft horns are perfectly positioned to stimulate a woman's clit in missionary style sex.

El Toro is made from very stretchy TPR, which means it can stretch pretty far. That being said, it's taut enough to grip a modestly-sized erection firmly.

Embedded in the plastic of El Toro are a couple of metal ball-bearings. They won't pop out (they're sealed in) but do look pretty intimidating - like a cybernetic penile enhancement.

The fact that El Toro is made from TPR means you can't sterilize it, so it's not really designed for sharing. It also means you can't used oil-based lube on it.

El Toro was perhaps the most intimidating thing I've ever tried to insert my penis into - and that includes my first girlfriend's mouth, when she wore a retainer. Unfortunately, El Toro compounded the issue by being a lot less enthusiastic than she was.

For a start, don't even think of trying to put El Toro onto a flaccid penis. Some cock rings let you do this - and really help when you're getting an erection. El Toro is incredibly uncooperative, though.

First off, you HAVE TO slather your erection in lube first, otherwise it won't stretch out as intended. Secondly, if you've got a foreskin (as I have) be prepared to have it entirely tangled up in the plastic meshing on El Toro when you try to remove it. It took five minutes to extricate myself from the Bull the first time I made a failed attempt to wear it.

If you're hard and lubricated, El Toro goes on fairly neatly. Like a concertina, or plastic slinky, the mesh stretches out to grip three or four inches of shaft. The plastic Venus Fly Trap at the glans end snugly grips the mushroom-head of the cock, while the Bull sits on top of the shaft at the other end.

Except not all the way down at the other end. In fact, my 'Bull' ended up straddling my cock about two inches away from the base of my cock - essentially reducing the 'operational' length of it by two or three inches.

It's also pretty tight to get on if you're got a larger-than-average penis. I get frustrated when cock rings are loose, but this product had the opposite problem.

El Toro comes with a removable metal vibrating bullet, which can be slid into the empty space between El Toro's ears (my wife wonders if there's a similar product for putting in the empty space between my ears.)

Running off watch batteries, the bullet has a single speed setting and is switched on by a black button at one end. The vibrations are pretty strong, but not overwhelming. What IS overwhelming is the noise. It buzzes and rattles like a 1971 Volkswagen Beetle. I've tried various bullets before and this HAS to be the loudest - yet unfortunately that increase in volume doesn't correspond to a similar increase in power.

El Toro comes in a neat cardboard box which is perfect for storing it in.

After use, you can wash El Toro with soap and water - but you can't boil it. That means it's not entirely sterilizable and you shouldn't share it with anybody you're not fluid-bonded with.

As is normal for California Exotics, El Toro came in a cool cardboard box. Even better, it was supplied with spare watch batteries, for when the bullet eventually dies.

I had some real zingers for the title of this review and personally I'm upset that I didn't get to use them all - so in 'Bonus Features' style, here they are:

Is El Toro a load of Bull?
Running with the Bulls
The Bionic Penis

The first time I tried to ride 'El Toro' it nearly cost me my foreskin. I was trying to mount the enhancer on a half-erect penis and when that didn't work, El Toro attached itself to more foreskin and it took five minutes to disentangle.

This, as you can imagine, put a crink in things.

But when I approached the bull a second time, it was on my terms: I had a raging erection and slathered myself with water-based lube, which allowed me to squeeze myself into El Toro and arrange it more-or-less as advertised on the box.

One immediate drawback was the length. The 'bull' above the shaft, in front of my balls. That meant the 'operational length' of my cock was reduced by a good two or three inches. When I started making love to my wife, I simply couldn't get inside her very deeply, which was unsatisfying for both of us.

She liked the increase in width and the metal beads, but found the reduction in depth frustrating - and while she liked the clitoral stimulation from the vibrating bullet, it was distracting that it was so LOUD. We were worried about waking the downstairs neighbor. I mean, when we have sex we're normally worried about waking the downstairs neighbor, but it's less embarrassing when it's because of cries of 'Oh God!' and 'Fuck me harder!' and 'I'm coming!' rather than a loud, rattling buzz.

My wife and I eventually pulled it off and had sex bareback. El Toro seemed like a promising idea, but simply wasn't right for me.