I've never been one to be drawn to superstition. While I gaze up at the stars, fascinated by the possibility that other lifeforms could be out there, I find it hard to believe in little green men who, having discovered us here on Earth, chose only to abduct a few simple folk, stick probes up their rears and take them right back home.

But let's say that I did.

Let's say I had a suspiciously vivid dream one night, that I was abducted by a species of tall and muscular humanoids, clad in steely blue, reptilian skin... I've been locked away as their pet. By day, I service them orally, in exchange for my next meal. By night, I serve as a prop, an unwilling partner in their rituals. Bound and gagged, my body, now branded with tribal markings, becomes the subject of their erotic whim. The Alpha enters me anally, forcing my cock into a stiff erection. Once a young man's pride, now just a plaything for his concubine. As she lowers herself onto my shaft, consciousness slips away, and my wandering mind begins to wonder...

Why do we never hear stories like this being told on those alien documentaries?

Putting that disappointment aside, I've been pleased that my Fleshlight has continued to hold up well over the past six months, through rinsing, air drying and the occasional dusting of corn starch. The last bit is optional, but I do believe it makes a worthwhile difference in the material's texture, returning it to its original silkiness. After a thorough rinsing, the material will become somewhat tacky, so you'll want to allow plenty of time (ideally overnight) for air drying. Rinsing with isopropyl alcohol can accelerate the process, but you should still allow several hours with both caps off (or the insert completely removed) to ensure that the toy is appropriately dried for safe, bacteria-free storage.

Discrete, this is not, but take heart! If it's drying too slow, you can always have another go...