I guess I’m just not a cock-ring kind of guy.

Having my cock and balls trussed up like a holiday turkey has never appealed to me. I think I associated it with BDSM or the games gay men play, neither of which turns me on. So giving the Dual Support Magnum Ring from California Exotic a whirl was a first for me.

 The package instructions said to "Slip the dual support Magnum over your erection while the ribbed scrotum ring wraps around the testes for added support and pleasure." Sounded easy, but the proof is in the pudding, and it proved pretty difficult to get the Magnum over my pudding. Sure, the TPE material was easier to stretch than, say, a truck tire, but not much. And wrangling the thing on gave me not pleasure but discomfort.

My initial goal was to prolong the time I could stroke my cock, but with the Magnum finally in place my cock was so tightly engorged I couldn’t stroke it at all. Frustrated, I slathered on a shot of Probe Silky Light, figuring I could stimulate myself the wet way, only to discover that not only was my bound member bloated and blue, it was deadly desensitized.

Reading the warning on the Magnum’s box that it should not be used for more than 30 minutes at a time me reminded me of a method sometimes used to remove external hemorrhoids. It involved putting rubber bands on them until they die and fall off. That gave rise to an image too unpleasant to endure and prompted me to remove the thing as quickly as I could to avoid damaging the most valued part of my anatomy.

Well, if getting the Magnum on was difficult, getting it off proved to be a Herculean, hair-pulling task. I had a fleeting thought about waiting for my erection to shrink until I remembered that the point of the cock ring was to keep me erect. There was a painful moment when the scrotum-strangling segment slipped out of my lubricated fingers and snapped back on my right testicle, but I finally escaped. By the way, those nubs on the ball ring are only for show, I couldn’t feel them at all.

I discovered the “hard” way that cock rings are not for me. But for guys who like them, I can vouch for the Magnum’s efficacy to swell your dick and keep it hard for as long as you like. A word of advice: shave before you use it.

The instructions also warn to allow 60 minutes between additional uses or to fall asleep with it on. I'll allow the rest of my life, thank you.

 One star is the most I can honestly give the Magnum.