When the package arrived, of course, I immediately got horny and wanted to try it out. The packaging was a fairly discreet size considering the volume of the masturbator. The graphics on the front of the package, however, were not so discreet. Due to the XXX scene and the giant lettering, "Travel Pussy," this isn't exactly one of those boxes you can leave laying around the house. I tore open the box and the first thing that hit me was the odor. Man, if there's one thing I can't stand... After thoroughly scrubbing my odiferous plastic puss to rid it of its smell, I hopped in the shower and lubed it with Astroglide.

First, I would like to state that there is NO flaccid entry happening with this specific toy. If you want to get in this key-hole of a pussy, you have to be rock hard and wedge shaped. To be honest, upon first entry, I accidentally tore one of the labia minor I was trying so hard. I literally fucked it a new hole. I will say that once I got in, it was like being massaged by little geisha girls. It is so smooth on the inside. And the subtle ribbing creates a gentle strumming on the ridges and veins of your penis. For a few brief moments, it was euphoric. Then the cramping set in. The description page explains it to weigh a pound, which doesn't sound like much, but try swinging that on your dick for 10 minutes. I was forced to switch batters like 3 times before I even came close. Another major flaw is that because it is made with the same material throughout, it is floppy. The Fleshlight has a soft rubber interior with a rigid exterior. This Travel Pussy is just soft squishy rubber, so when you really start working it, the heavy thing just flops everywhere and wears your arm out. Seriously, you'd be better off jerkin' it with a gallon bag of applesauce.

When I finally finished, the real fun began. I wish I would have written this sooner to warn lazy readers... Do Not Cum In Your Pussy! You may think that creampies are nasty and sexy, but not with this pussy. It will take you forever to get that thing cleaned out. Let's say you happen to get all your jizz scrubbed out of it; you are then greeted with the issue of where to store this thing so it doesn't get musty. It's nearly impossible to dry out, and if you let it sit for any period of time in the dark, it comes out smelling like an old lady's basement. Because Pureskin is such a sensitive material to warm, moist environments, if you don't rub cornstarch on it, it will get sticky and collect dust, hair, and dirt.

So in conclusion, it's cold, musty, sticky, smelly, hard to keep clean, expensive, and a hassle to fuck. It doesn't make sandwiches and won't do your dishes. You are better off getting a bad girlfriend.