It had been a while since I had received an item to review, so I was very excited to find out that I was going to get to try the Chasey Lain deluxe personal vagina. When it arrived, I was amused by the false advertising on the package. The picture on the box looks like an actual vagina with soft pubic hair, and glistening, pink lips. Inside the box was a hard rubber, brown vagina with the most ridiculous pubic hair I have ever seen. The pubes looked like they were recycled from a cheap 1980s baby doll. They repulsed me, so I removed them immediately. Despite all this, I was hopeful that it would feel better that it looked.

When it was time to test out my new toy, I took it into my man room, turned on some porn, and prepared myself. I tried the included “Chasey Lube”, but soon realized that it must have been manufactured by the Elmer’s Glue factory. After washing that tacky mess off, I settled in with my own personal lubricant. Even after applying it liberally to myself and the toy, insertion was nearly impossible. The rubber material was so hard and stiff that I had wrestle myself inside of it. I managed to penetrate and fuck the thing, but I soon wished I hadn’t. It was awful. The rock hard vaginal lips and the unforgiving teeth lining the sleeve made it very painful. After only a minute, my dick had already decided that orgasm was not an option, and was painfully waiving the white flag. I was visibly red and somewhat swollen afterward. Cleanup was easy; I simply threw it away. [NOTE: If you want to experience cock pain on more than one occasion, be sure to thoroughly clean this toy with soap and water. Since rubber is very porous, condoms are recommended.]

For anyone reading this review, I apologize for not testing it with the included multi-speed bullet vibrator, but I refuse to put my dick anywhere near that thing ever again. I cannot, in good conscience, recommend this product to anyone, including my enemies. This toy is easily the most painful way to waste money ever. There are much better uses for $64.99 than a penis torture device.