"This lifelike pussy feels just as soft and sensuous as the real thing... only better!" This is how Pipedream describes the Big-Ass Pussy on their site. The box, with its skinny, corset-and-fishnets clad woman, also claims this toy is "better than the real thing!" Um, not so much!

The Big-Ass Pussy is definitely big; life sized rather than pocket-pussy sized. It's made from Fanta-Flesh (lifelike material similar to Cyberskin or UR3, etc) and weighs in at a whopping four pounds. It's a pale flesh tone with a bright pink labia and butt hole, which rapidly fade to a barely pink color after the first washing. It measures in at 8 inches wide and 9 inches long.

It wiggles and jiggles, and sounds pretty much like real skin when you give it a slap. It's got the appearance of a woman splayed out on her back; pussy and asshole visible, a hint of lopped off leg and ass cheek, and the suggestion of a waist.

It has the standard hole-for-a-bullet (as well as an included, AA using wired bullet) in the back and both a pussy and ass entrance in the front. The exterior of both holes is very realistic; the labia protrude a bit and make for extra stimulation upon entry, and the anal entrance is puckered up and recessed a bit.

The issues that come with this thing are numerous, however. Laying it down on a solid surface and trying to "hump" it isn't very comfortable. Using your hands to jack off with it is exhausting - seeing as you're jerking off with a four pound hunk of jiggly Fanta-Flesh.

The anal entrance is very small and very tight, but widens to a shared canal. The vaginal entrance, which shares that canal, is actually quite large. I can fist this thing easily. The canal itself is five inches thru the vaginal entrance, 6 thru the anal. This means my partner's penis came right out the other, open end with every stroke. Some guys like that feeling but he didn't, primarily because the exit hole is rather large and not very stimulating.

When using the included bullet, the vibrations can be felt thru the entire toy but they're very diffuse and not very stimulating. The bullet itself is fairly loud, but the noise is muffled once it's inserted.

Overall, Taylor found this to feel very realistic when using the anal entrance, a little less so with the vaginal, and way more difficult to use than a smaller masturbator. It’s nice, but it's not ever going to be "better than the real thing".

Fanta-Flesh is a very porous material so, unless you use a condom, don't share it. Clean up with soap and water, let air dry, then powder it with cornstarch based powder for longer life. Fanta-Flesh IS prone to rips, tears and blistering. So care for it well and store it in a cool, dry, place with it's coating of powder and be sure to clean it both before and after use. (Cleaning it before use also helps to bring it up to a more realistic temperature as Fanta-Flesh is quite chilly otherwise)

It's weird. I pretty much left Taylor alone after setting him up with this thing but, I was in the next room with the door open and it sure sounded like he was struggling. Eventually he called me in there and told me he could "fuck this thing for a month and not get off".

He did, however, eventually get off using it; but he looked way, way stressed out. It was a lot of work. It was heavy. It was awkward. I thought for sure he'd tell me to toss it out. Turns out it's actually ok. He likes it. It feels good - other than the too short shaft/canal thingy. It's just not EASY to use.

Definitely the kind of toy a man would want, when he wants a longer masturbation session rather than a quicky.

Pictures on my blog.

This toy has ended up being so bulky and challenging to use, that it's only been pulled out once since the initial review. That's a shame because I really do like to slap it when it's sitting around...