I decided to get creative! This review was written in iambic pentameter and has the rhyme scheme ABCB for each stanza. I tried to include my normal points and my opinions, but some things may be more condensed in the poem form.

My Smart Balls are a green and pink delight:
Elastomed with smaller balls within…
But what’s this? Like the 80th review?
I’ll skip the promo part…let’s just begin!

They’re wide enough to stretch, but not too big,
Compact enough to hide – and that’s a perk!
Just slide them up inside, and voilà! You
Can wear them ‘round the house or out to work.

*sigh*
The novelty of wearing them wears off:
At times I moved my legs or maybe squirmed…
That cord got near my ass and I’m afraid
Of those infections caused by anal germs.

To exercise your V just pop one in,
And clench then pull the cord with all your might.
Then put in both and do the same again --
You’ll see how long your V puts up a fight!

And as a masturbator I was pleased:
Despite the flexing midpoint I enjoyed
Some nice orgasms moving them around
By tugging on the cord of this ol’ toy.

I shook the balls enough to feel a pulse
Along my walls; I grinned at that surprise.
I’m sure it’s weak compared to other vibes
But those weak waves helped me enjoy the ride.

That midpoint is a thing both good and bad:
It’s nice – the balls can flex and fit your slot,
But sadly once they’re in there’s not much spice,
They didn’t really dazzle my G-spot.

It’s been a year since I made Smart Balls mine
That cord got kind of bumpy over time
Don’t know what’s up – but it is mighty strong
I’ve yanked and pulled and jostled – it’s still fine!

I liked them more in my virginity
But still it is a lovely toy to me.
Oops! Brace for impact – dropped them from four feet
They “thud”-ed, but no cracks that I could see

‘Tis sad that they cannot be sterilized
So scrub them with warm sudsy soap like Dial.
And mind the gaps and seams along the balls
Just keep them clean and they will last a while!

A few notes about my specific experiences with Smart Balls: I don't think I've derived any special pleasure from the contours in the balls. I do enjoy jostling my hips when masturbating with Smart Balls, as this helps the inner balls move around and stimulate my labia. Rhythmically tugging the cord is good for this, too. I don't have any vibes yet, but I've heard if you loop the cord around a vibe, it can send vibrations through the whole toy. Enjoy!