When I received my Doc Johnson's Vibrating Clitoral Pump, I was like "What am I supposed to do with this thing?" I had never owned anything like this and I wasn't sure I wanted to. I kept an open mind and I took it out of the box. It came in 2 pieces; the pump actually had to be attached. That part was easy to do. I was puzzled about how I was going to actually use this thing. My husband was just going to have to get in on the action, not that he minded.

So, after washing up the toy, putting batteries in it, and grabbing some lube, it was time to try it out. The actual part that you place over your clit is fairly big and bulky. It has a regular sized bullet in it and the cup part is hard, even though it is jelly. I was scared that the suction would be too strong, and would pull out my clit ring. So we had to start out easy. The toy doesn't come with any instructions on use, just to release every couple of minutes. So, we were trying to figure out; do you place it over the labia, do you spread it open, what do you actually attach it to?

After a couple of tries, we got it attached and gave it a pump. We powered it on, and it was very noisy. The vibrations were not strong at all; it was actually more of an annoyance. We released the suction and tried again, still no excitement. We moved it around, and it just was taking away from the excitement and causing more laughing than anything. It did not, however, pull or damage my clit piercing. So that was a good thing. When it was in place, the thought was "Okay, what do you do with it now? Do I just lay here?" It's too bulky to have sex with it on, and it terminates close to the vaginal opening.

As we laughed hysterically about the disappointment of the toy, my husband got the clever idea to stick the toy to his cock. As he suctioned it to his shaft, he started playing with it like a puppet; "Hi there, look at me, I'm limp and can't get hard from this toy!" Honestly, the vibrations did not even excite him. I know this toy wasn't meant for him, but we thought maybe it had a good use other than the failed one of clitoral stimulation.

This toy was a BUST! I would rate it 1 star, give it 1 vroom, and 5 bees. With two blankets on, it was still pretty loud and clear. I would say its bark was definitely worse than its bite.