The Conqueror by Touché sure lives up to its title. The best way to describe this toy is in one word: luxurious. It comes encased in some of the most stylish packing I’ve ever seen with its box adorned in noir, silver, and the Touché emblem that simply declares royalty for the modern day nympho. Not surprisingly, the Conqueror was manufactured in Europe and has been tested by one of the world’s leading medical laboratories to the highest safety standards. It is made with 100% pure silicone with the feel and texture of baby soft skin. From tip to base, the design of the Conqueror is gorgeous and lovely. Its tip reminds me of a large flower bulb that elongates down to a slim and smooth shaft, followed with a ribbed base that seems to imitate the coil of a bracelet or cock ring cage, which hangs above the luxurious Touché crown. It is quite stunning. Aesthetics aside, the Conqueror is also superior in what it can offer. It has 5 vibrating modes, has a quiet ultra sonic motor, is phthalates-free, is splash proof, odorless, non-porous, easy to clean, and has 2AA batteries included and a 1 year warranty. If all this can’t satisfy even the greediest of sex toy fiends out there, I don’t know what will!

The way to start and use the vibe functions of the Conqueror is quite clever, but tricky at first. After popping in the batteries, you have to HOLD down the button for the vibrations to start, press and tap the button to explore each vibe setting function, and hold it down again to turn it off. For some odd reason, Touché’s User Manual doesn’t tell us this. Once I had it all figured out, it was smooth sailing.

The instant attraction was the strong and powerful vibes that shook the Conqueror from tip to base. It is by no means as “quiet” as Touché advertises it to be, but it isn’t as loud as the other vibrators that I own. Like Ben Dover’s G-Spot Smoothie, each vibe setting moved to the rhythm of its own escalating, pulsating, vibrating, rollercoaster groove. The best way I can describe each vibe setting is how it sounds like lasers from an 80’s sci-fi movie with its thumps, zooms, bleeps, and buzzes.

When it came time for me to play, I lubed this bad boy from tip to base (it is quite big, bigger than I expected, so I had to get my pussy good and ready for it). Remember, since this toy is made of silicone, only use water-based or oil-based lubricants, never silicone. When inserting the tip into my oozing wet pussy, immediately she was welcomed with girth, slowly stretching and gradually enveloping the Conqueror into her home. As I slowly pushed more of The Conqueror inside of me, I loved how my pussy contoured to its shape, contracting and throbbing to the rhythm and speed of the vibrations. The vibes circulated all throughout my body like the blood running through my veins. For a lack of a better word, incredible, simply incredible. Somehow the Conqueror’s thumping, buzzing, drumming, escalating, vroom-vroom vibrations felt stronger inside of me than it did when rubbing against my nipples and my clit, which was sensational all on its own, enough to make me orgasm externally. It was softer and smoother as well, perfectly creating a wonderful fluidity along with the slip and glide of my own juices. One thing I love, love, love about the way the Conqueror functions is how convenient it is just to press the button to change the setting without having to stop and twist a knob. This is a single-handed kind of vibrator that never stops the motion of the ocean until you decide to. In the shower, the Conqueror turns the bathroom into a personal pleasure playground; I love taking it with me in water, outdoors, indoors, anywhere for that matter.

What more is there to say? The Conqueror is another vibrating gem that I’m honored to have in my ever-growing chest of sex toys. Just when you think your favorite vibrator is THE best of the bunch, when and if you own the Conqueror, you will realize that there is always something else better that stands as a class on its own, and this is one of them.

I couldn't resist trying The Conqueror anally. It feels AMAZING. Remember, since this vibe doesn't have a flanged base, use it carefully if you are anal curious in trying this bad boy in your back door. Since The Conqueror is non-porous, you can get away with using it anally, as long as you clean it thoroughly before inserting it from one hole to another (or simply use a condom). Cleaning wise, I must also suggest that you ALWAYS take the batteries out first before rinsing it in warm water and soap, or a moist cleaning towel with a NON-alcoholic base. Even though this toy is silicone, it is not really meant to be boiled for obvious reasons (it has a battery compact). The Conqueror also makes a wonderful back massager, tickler, clit massager; basically it tantalizes the entire body with just a single touch.