The best things in life, they say, are free. In this case, this old adage rings quite true. My lady and I received this vibe for free with our most recent order and were skeptical of it at first. It does look like something one might purchase from a sketchy street vendor named Crazy Moe. If I had to guess, I would say it was part of some old stock that EF recently found hiding in the back of their warehouse.

The Ultimate Satisfier Slim is, shockingly enough: Slim. Its girth is about that of a large Sharpie. It is about eight inches or so long and made of non-porous, food grade plastic. Sort of resembles the plastic used in buffet restaurant tumblers. Despite our reservations, we turned it on and hoped for the best. Good GRIEF is this vibe ever LOUD! If you intend to use this vibe within five hundred feet of any other person, you’d probably best turn on a radio or the television. With vibes, you can have one of two things; you can have a quiet vibe or you can have a strong vibe. It’s a trade-off, one for the other. My girl likes strong vibrations from her toys and we’ve wasted a good chunk of money on the disposable bullet vibes and cheap pocket rockets.

My lady gives this toy her seal of approval; it is definitely loud but makes up for its loudness by giving out extremely strong vibrations. We’ll probably be buying another one somewhere down the line.

Some things you might need to know about this toy: It is not, strictly speaking, waterproof. This might suggest that you shouldn’t use it internally. That being said, this is exactly how we’ve been using it and have not yet encountered any problems. Additionally, when you receive the vibe, you naturally assume you are supposed to remove the paper tube inside the shaft of the vibe where the batteries go. Don’t. This gives you a slight muffling of the noise that this toy gives off.

All in all, a good toy. Even better for the fact we got it for free with a gift for a friend!