(This review is cut between the review and experience sections because it was 100 words too long.)

This assignment terrified me from the get-go. Several of my fellow reviewers saw the G-Spot Yoko Yoko and shuddered, my friends teased me relentlessly about tentacle rape, and one sex toy reviewer actually declined to review this item because it scared her so much.

"But do not falter," I told myself, "because you are a badass sex toy reviewer, and badass sex toy reviewers have no fear."

Shaking with fear, I opened the box from Eden Fantasys and... laughed. Really, this toy has to be seen to be believed! The toy comes in a clear plastic box, covered with brightly-colored stickers written entirely in Japanese. I don't read Japanese, but the manufacturers were nice enough to include a picture of the toy waving back and forth on one of the stickers. They also threw in a bottle of pink mystery lube (which I can't bring myself to use), a ribbed pink condom in a plain white wrapper, and 3 Toshiba AAA batteries. Like most Japanese products, the G-Spot Yoko Yoko's packaging is very economical; the box is as tall as a standard DVD case and half as wide. There were no instructions included.

The toy itself is a soft pink color. The shaft and clitoral stimulator are covered in raised nubs, and the ends of the shaft and clitoral stimulator are covered in super-soft "feelers." The elastomer material is VERY flexible and elastic, like jelly, and you can pull it and roll it between your fingers without misshaping the toy. There's also an obvious seam running up the middle of this toy; it's very soft, though, and doesn't cause irritation. The toy has a slight rubbery smell if you get it close to your nose, but it's not overpowering.

The off-white battery pack slides open, and the three batteries are stacked "pyramid style," which is a configuration I've never seen on a vibrator before. There are two sliders on the battery pack that control the speeds: one makes the clitoral stimulator vibrate faster, the other makes the head of the shaft undulate back and forth. (Yes, you read that right: it does not thrust or rotate, it undulates. I never thought I would use the word "undulate" in a sex toy review, but there you go.)

The G-Spot Yoko Yoko provides interesting stimulation. This is not a very big toy, so the clitoral stimulator and the head of the shaft are very close together, providing shallow penetration that hits the g-spot and good clitoral stimulation. This toy IS very stiff, however, so if it doesn't fit your body well, you won't be able to bend the toy in to shape. The raised nubs feel great during penetration, sort of like a heavy-duty rough rider condom. The feelers provide a great "tickling" sensation on your clitoris and g-spot.

Power-wise, this vibe is nothing special, but it does the job. You can use the sliders to vary how much clitoral and g-spot stimulation you can get; for example, you can crank the clitoral stimulator up the whole way and leave the undulating head on low. The G-Spot Yoko stands up well to clenching. The motor in the shaft didn't stop when my kegels clenched around it, and it kept going strong when I wrapped my fingers around it really tightly during a sound and power check. Unfortunately, if you have both motors on at once, the motor in the shaft slows down and the undulations aren't as quick. Also, this toy is a batter hog; I've only used my Yoko Yoko three times, but the provided AAAs are already starting to die.

The Yoko Yoko makes a decent amount of noise. It's never quiet, but unless you have both motors cranked up to the absolute highest levels, it's nothing you'd hear all the way down the street. That highest setting, however, is REALLY loud.

Cleaning the G-Spot Yoko Yoko is a bit tough. All of the nooks and crannies collect body fluids and lubricant like crazy, and you can't boil elastomer toys. I highly recommend using a condom with this toy to save yourself the trouble.

As for the extras: like I said, I can't bring myself to try out the lube. The little plastic bottle only has two Japanese symbols on it, and as a woman with a sensitive vulva, I don't think slathering an unidentified chemical on my crotch is a good idea. The condom was a real surprise; I used it on the Yoko Yoko, and it was suitably thin and strong. The lubricant on it was very oily, however, and using a condom does "compress" the "feelers" on the Yoko Yoko's shaft, lessening the tickling sensation.

In the end, I can't say that I wouldn't recommend the G-Spot Yoko Yoko. It's a decent toy made out of decent materials, the undulating head feels good, the clitoral stimulator is powerful, and if you're in to tentacle fantasies, it's visually appealing. However, it isn't for everyone: the toy is very rigid, so if your g-spot is far back, you cannot bend the shaft to make the undulating head reach it. The seam running up the middle and the fact that the shaft's motor slows down when both motors are on also attest to the mediocre quality of this toy. Still, it's great for what it is, and what it is quirky Japanese toy that appeals to fans of tentacle porn... or at least, it's a really great gag gift.

...EXPERIENCE...

I wasn't joking when I said this toy made me laugh. I won't use it for masturbation too often, but I'll definitely show it off to all of my friends; it's just that fun. Also, I created a short video that shows you how the toy operates, as well as how the motors run when pressure is applied. This video, along with some pictures, are hosted at my blog.

As for my personal opinions on the G-Spot Yoko Yoko: well, it's certainly an interesting toy. It makes its presence known in my toy box, and every time somebody looks at my sex toy collection, they're automatically drawn to its flashy packaging and unusual appearance. The sensations it provides are good, but nothing special, and I doubt I'll use it often in the future. It's bound to be replaced by a higher-quality rabbit with rotating pearls|Vibratex Rabbit Pearl some time soon.

If anybody speaks Japanese and would be willing to translate the text on the box, I'd be much obliged!

Without an owner to give it the proper love and care, the G-Spot Yoko had to be pitched to make room for other toys that please me more. It's a shame that this toy didn't suit anybody else's tastes. I'm sure it would have made someone a very happy toy owner, even if it didn't appeal to me. Please note that while I chose "I still don't like it," I never thought this toy was bad, just not suited to my body and my sex toy preferences.