I never masturbate without the aid of one of my (many) different kinds of nipple toys! Being someone who also enjoys clitoral vibes, I fell in love with the clamps/bullet combo at first sight. Sadly, I fell right back out at first bite. For those of you with a high tolerance- don’t even bother. However, if you appreciate a subtler approach, please read on: this toy could be good for you.

The design is adorable with its naughty candy apple red penises, which are so tiny and unassuming. The metal clamps have rubber grips for cushion, and adjustable screws for tension. I would call it ‘mild pressure’. I could hardly feel these clamps, even with the bullets inside serving as weights. Besides the clamps, the third penis serves as a vibrating clit stimulator. The cords are just long enough to hold at arms length; a partner might have difficulty holding the remote during some positions due to the lack of reach. It’s easy to read the info on the clear plastic back, on a fairly tasteful package. It’s easy to open, but it’s not going to make a good place to store your bundle of wires and penises.

The materials are phthalate and latex free plastic; the penises are hard while the remote is more like velvet cote. Both are fine for using with pretty much any kind of lube, but please heed this warning about mixing lube and clamps: Any clamp will slide unexpectedly, and painfully, off any body part if there is lube on either the clamp (from your fingers) or the nipple, etc. Be wary of using any lube with this product for this reason. Cleaning this should be easy and mostly is; being waterproof it’s simple to wash with any safe soap or toy cleaner. There’s an issue regarding the cracks in the seams of the penis which gives me pause, sanitation wise. Don’t share it and don’t attempt to use anally. On the plus side, all the cords are sealed whether entering the vibrator or the remote.

I docked this toy a whole star for my next negative- after two weeks of use, and one in the shower, this toy has started to RUST! Instead of using galvanized steel (which is rust proof) for the tension screws, they apparently used stainless steel causing the screws to rust right off the bat. This will obviously be a problem, chief among them health concerns, but once fully rusted you won’t be able to adjust the screws anyway. My solution is to remove the screws, since even at its tightest, I’m not fazed. A more sensitive person however may not be able to take these clamps without the mitigating screws to ease pressure. Don’t store these in the bathroom and dry immediately after use.

When reinserting the batteries (which is a breeze), be sure you twist it on tight, so the rubber O-ring is sealed well. Be sure to remove batteries when not in use. It operates on 2 AA batteries, which I thought would provide more power than the watch batteries in my other clamps. Not so; the Love Clamps were quite weak on vibration. I could hardly feel the vibration on my nipples, not at all in the rest of my breasts. Even the clitoral vibe was too weak to bring me to orgasm. Also irritating was the one button control, forcing you to scroll through three pulsing settings to get to the one vibration setting. First pulse is a very fast beat (inappropriate for starting out); next is a slow beat; the third is a bzz-bzz-pause-and-resume pattern; and finally the steady vibration. There is no way to control the penises separately either.

The main plus I see for this toy is its versatility. There are several interesting combinations to play around with. Despite an excellent idea, and even a great battery pack, I just don’t think this is worth the price considering the rapid rusting of the screws. For me, there just wasn’t enough intensity to the clamps or the vibration. I'm afraid this Hot, is a Not.

A few tips for nipple noobs: remember that the real pain comes AFTER you take off the nipple clamps as the blood rushes back in, so build up slowly. If you set the clamps to your tolerance limit, when you take them off, your tolerance will be exceeded (a game for a more experienced player).

Be careful about using soap with moisturizer or body oils, as these will cause your skin to be slick enough for the clamps to slide off (usually with a painful POP!). Plain water shouldn’t be a problem since these do have rubber grips. If you are using these on a partner set a few ground rules before go time. Do not ‘snap’ the clamps on; rather pinch the nipple until hard and then slowly apply clamp. Be aware the tip of the nipple is the most sensitive and not a good place to start.

Be creative and explore less obvious places like the undersides of breasts or the insides of thighs. Be extra careful when applying to the clit; work up to it by applying to the labia, etc. Again do not push it to the limit, as the most intense moment comes after the clamps come off. Most of all, pay attention to your lover’s response.

Personally, I decided to take things slow and drag it out. I knew this toy wouldn’t bring me to orgasm with its weak vibration, but there was a lot of enjoyable foreplay. I set the clamps to their most severe setting, but I had to keep moving the clamps around just to remind me they were there. I leaned forward and let my breasts sway but even the weight didn’t provide that delicious burn. I tried sliding the mini-penis inside me and exploring the pulsing options, but it was just too weak. It was strong enough to get me turned on though, so I decided to try the clamp on my clit.

I adjusted the screws to a more medium setting and found it a comfortable fit. I could have certainly taken it tighter, but I was more interested in feeling the weight gently tug at my clit, while one penis pulsed inside me and the dangling one swayed against my labia. Then I unclamped my clit and applied the vibrator to it just as the blood rushed back in, while everything was super sensitive. I repeated that scenario several times, letting my clit get very swollen and then using the vibe on it. Even that wasn’t enough stimulation. Eventually I used my shower head to finish me off. I did end up satisfied but the Red Hot Love Clamps didn’t get me anywhere near climax.