I bought the Vibrating Turbo Suction Tongue for myself a very long time ago, but am still so disappointed in it that even years later I'm writing an angry review. Hell hath no fury, etc, I guess.

I was eager to enjoy this one (well, I guess that's true of all of them). I loved the concept behind it. Straight out of the box, I was a little doubtful though. I knew not to expect anything extraordinary; it's not as though I was ordering an actual mouth with a moveable tongue to do as I instructed. I did, however, expect a much easier time with this toy than I actually encountered.

The entire device is a little awkward. There's a mouth comprised of a pair of lips with a tongue, a pump to produce the suction and a controller to adjust power. I had trouble from step one. I could not for the life of me get it to approximate anything close to oral sex. Despite my efforts, I was never able to make the lips stay in a position with enough suction to stay put. It even became a little painful after too much pressing and pumping.

Outside of the suction issues, the vibrations were very, very weak to me. I don't know if it was all on account of a flimsy motor or if perhaps the material didn't transmit the vibes well. I can't speak to how the vibrations feel once the suction is established though. Perhaps the sensitivity is upped once it's latched on like that. I wasn't too pleased with the feel of the material either. It smelled like pool toys, always felt oddly filmy and also very hard. So, at the end of every attempt, I had the joy of having to clean an oddly shaped toy without having had any fun with it.

Every once in a while, I try it out to see if maybe today will be the day. "Disappointing" is still the word though.