I approached this item with high hopes and (what I deem) quite fair expectations. It would be my first experience with g-spot and clitoral stimulation from the same toy. I wanted to love it – I wanted to discover the joy of dual stimulation, but I was ultimately left feeling like my g-spot had up and wandered away. I felt absolutely nothing from the shaft after insertion, so the only stimulation this item provided for me was clitoral. Now, this is probably largely due to anatomy and the location of your g-spot, but the truth is that it won't work for everyone.

Before I go any further, I do feel a responsibility to make my thoughts on the appearance and design of this item completely transparent: I’m not a fan. Part of me actually hates it. I have a deep hatred for toys that pair female desire and pleasure with the inclinations of prepubescent girls. Some women may enjoy the pink sparkly bulbous tulip-shaped shaft adorned with hearts and a little pink butterfly; this woman, however, does not. I could (and was fully prepared to) see past my issues with its appearance if the item excelled in performance - but it just doesn’t. When I look at this item all I see is a toy I detest and am almost embarrassed to even own.

Now that that’s out of the way, I can actually focus on the performance of the toy itself. First and foremost, this toy takes two AAA batteries, so make sure you have some on hand before you lube up and settle in.

Once on, this toy has nine different functions to flip through. The first are your average low-medium-high constant vibrations. Even on the highest level, the vibrations are relatively low. They’re sufficient for the literal petite mort perhaps, but if you’re looking for something bigger, you’ll have to look elsewhere.

The next six functions are variations and patterns that range from alright to downright awful. This will mostly be up to personal preference. One particular pattern had such a ridiculously long pause period between vibrations that I thought (if only for a moment) that the batteries had died mid-use. But it started up again and I quickly moved to the next function, a little irritated and mostly unsatisfied.

This leads me to one of my biggest issues with this item – I highly dislike the one button control. I have a few other toys that utilize the one-button control, but the one-button control just doesn’t seem necessary for this toy. It’s an annoyance to have to shuffle through all the patterns and functions to get back to the few functions I actually enjoy.

Piggybacking off of this is the annoyance of having to shuffle through all the functions just to turn the darn thing off. It’s easier to just disconnect the battery compartment for a quick turn-off - which is highly inadvisable when using it in the bath or shower, so it's a generally dangerous habit to get into when used away from water.

Overall, I’m not all too attached to this product, and if it wasn’t made of TPR (which cannot be sanitized or sterilized and so should not be shared!), I’d probably donate it to a friend in need who might find some enjoyment in it. Sure, the clitoral stimulation is fine, but that’s not enough to secure a permanent spot in my toy collection; if it’s function is to stimulation both g-spot and clitoris, accomplishing one is simply not enough (especially not while masquerading as the toy of a prepubescent child who wants nothing but pink, sparkly things adorned with hearts and cute little creatures). Overall, I’ll be happily kissing this toy goodbye and sentencing it to spend the rest of its life in the shoebox beneath my bed labeled “failed expectations”.