My expectations are low for the free, no-review-required presents that Eden sends out. I've received toys that hardly work, are cheap, and are from questionable companies. Every once in a while, the free toys are actually a hit. This is one of those times.

This is still a cheap vibrator, but since it's functional, I believe we should use the word 'affordable.' For $19.99 I expected a one- or three-speed vibrator. This little sucker has eight different patterns. I mean LITTLE, too. It's not the size of a bullet, but it's about half the size of what I consider an average vibrator. I think it's a great size for beginners.

I didn't need to use lube because of the size, but it's compatible with all types.

I've had a plastic vibrator in the past, and I hated it. It felt too hard and smelled/sounded like a remote-controlled car I had in the '90s. Have I mentioned that my expectations were low for this one? The PU coating is velvety like silicone, but it has none of the drag that I think sometimes makes silicone uncomfortable. The small size of the vibrator keeps it from feeling too hard. There are no uncomfortable seams. The part of the vibrator intended for insertion is incredibly smooth and luxurious for plastic. It has the slightest plastic smell I've encountered. I wouldn't have noticed it if I weren't trying to find it.

There is a slight problem. You remember those cute little rhinestones? Take a look at how short the Groovies Wave is again. If you get a little eager, you will unintentionally get too friendly with the rhinestones. They're scratchy. It hurts.

I'm normally not a fan of pink/purple toys, but this one is okay. The rhinestones are only on the bottom, so I can ignore them.

The size leaves a lot to be desired. The width (one inch across, aw!) isn't much of a problem for me. As long as it vibrates and reaches the right spot, I could care less how wide it is. The Groovies Wave BARELY reaches that spot with me because of its length. Four-and-a-quarter inches of insertable length is not much at all. If I want to have a good time, I have to run the risk of scraping myself with shiny things.

Fun fact: This is a cheap toy, but the rhinestones do not come off, even if you try to make them . . . very hard. Scrape it, soak it, hit it, and they will all stay put. I've never been so frustrated at something not breaking before in my life. I wish so badly that they were gone so I could have an extra inch of toy.

Sometimes toys say they're waterproof, but they have a flimsy O-ring. The battery cap on this one overlaps the O-ring for a super waterproof seal.

There are some mild annoyances with the controls. You have to know the order of the patterns to quickly find the one you want, which only really bothers me during partner play when I'm trying to explain which one I want. You can't 'go back' to the last pattern. You have to cycle through the remaining ones, turn the toy off, and then start again. This is also not a toy you want to be using if you're walked in on, as you have to go through the remaining patterns to turn the toy off—every time. If you just want a brief pause, however, I've found that if you halfway press the control button, the vibrations cease for as long as you do so. Unfortunately, I've found this out by mistake as I was pushing into my hand. Most push-button toys are like this and are why I prefer separate controllers.

The patterns/speeds are pretty standard:

1. Low-level vibration: The packaging calls it 'Teasing.'
2. Medium-level vibration: The packaging calls this one 'Flutter' for reasons I don't understand. It reminds me of a bee and is louder than my cell phone.
3. The high level is aptly called 'Buzz.' It's the loudest and a little numbing to me.
4. 'Rollercoaster': A quickly escalating pattern. It almost sounds like a growling chihuahua.
5. Long pulses: It sort of feels like thrusting if you're alone. This one is my favorite.
6. Short pulses: It's the previous setting . . . on crack. It is more annoying than nice.
7. 'Intense Buzz' is maybe a little bit more than the high level, but it's hard for me to tell the difference.
8. A cycle of all the patterns, in order.

Cleanup is simple. You just need warm water and soap.

I've discovered that since I tend to insert this toy more than the manufacturer intended, my, uh, lady nectar sometimes seeps into the cap a bit and crusts around the O-ring. Keep that area and the seams around the O-rings in mind when you're cleaning. A swipe with a toothbrush should clean it right up (not the toothbrush you use for your face; get a cheap one for your toys).

All of the money used to produce this clearly went into the vibrator. It comes in a plastic clamshell package that contains a dark blue paper background. I feel as though attempting to make the packaging match the toy would give it more of an illusion of quality and thought, which I would appreciate. Aside from the aesthetics, the packaging is quite nice. It has all of the material, function, and care information that I look for. I had no 'wrap rage' opening it and used the packaging for storage until I got my storage container. It's not classy or interesting packaging, but it gets the job done.