When I first saw the 'I Love My Duckie' Bondage Duck|Bondage duckie, I fell in love. I mean, when you're a kinky chick who loves to wank, what could be better? Especially when you have a collection of (non-kinky) ducks lining the shelf in the bathroom already. And so it was that I put it on my wish list, raved about it, pointed it out, and generally made a nuisance of myself until one of my lovers bought me one as a present...

Opening it was a treat. It was the evening of my birthday, a bunch of us were back at my place post-dinner and drinks, and here was something to play with! First the packaging had to be negotiated, but my weeduckie was eventually cut free from the confines of her plastic cocoon. Next, a small screwdriver had to be located in order to open the battery compartment (not to mention finding 2 AA batteries - but I have a large supply of those!). Finally, though, she was ready to buzz. Reading the instructions, I pressed the centre of her back firmly.

Nothing happened. We turned her over, opened the compartment, checked the batteries were in the right way around. Yes. Closed her up again. Pressed her back. Nothing again. Perhaps it was because she was on the table? I picked her up, and held her firmly while pressing her back. This time she came to life with an apparently strong vibration, and putting her back down on the table lead to howls of amusement as she stuttered her way in a circle. I mean, what better than a vibrating duck|I rub my duckie, buzzing in circles, when you're a little, well, drunk?

So I had high hopes for the Bondage Duckie when it came to a proper bathtime tryout. Alas, I was disappointed.

For starters, while our wee duck appeared to have strong vibrations, I found that they weren't strong enough. Being passed throughout the entire body of the toy, neither the beak, nor the tail, not the ball-gag had vibes strong enough to get me off! This was rather frustrating, to say the least. Trying something different, I turned her over and pressed the base of the toy against my groin. Alas, still no luck. I was reduced to finishing myself off with my fingers, all the while bemoaning the lack of pluck in my duck!

Never one to give up after one bath, I tried my duckie again on the next occasion - with fresh batteries, just to ensure that I hadn't tried her out in a run-down state. But still, the vibes of my Bondage Duckie were just not enough. Very saddening. I also discovered that the waterproof seal that supposedly keeps the battery compartment watertight is not as effective as it claims - leaving batteries in myduckie later on lead to corrosion and unpleasant rust!

My Duckie sits in pride of place on the duck shelf - but battery-less and with no useful task, she's just another pretty duck. Ah well.