When I saw the Advanced Clitoral Pump on EdenFantasys.com, it immediately caught my eye; I wish it hadn’t. The Advanced Clitoral Pump was neither advanced or a pump.

Let me start with what I found when I opened the package. Inside were two sleeves for the pump. One was flat with a small raise in the middle, and the other one had ticklers on it. The one with the ticklers came on the pump, while the other one was squished together in the bottom of the bag. I actually had to rip the sides of the sleeve apart from each other, and it was very deformed.

Not realizing that it took AAA batteries, it was a little over a week before I could try out the vibrations on it, but I wanted to test the suction. I took it out, stuck it to my forearm, and started to pump. It would only pump twice before the suction ended. It did leave a red mark, but it faded within ten seconds.

Next, I positioned it on my clit to try the suction, and it failed miserably. It worked okay on a flatter surface like my forearm, but on my clit, it just would not hold the suction.

Finally, after getting some batteries for it, I gave it another shot. The batteries were confusing to get in because it looks like they should both be put in in the same direction. After a couple of trials, they were in correctly. I pressed the tiny button to turn it on and found it very difficult to press. It goes through three speeds before it turns off, but like I said, the button is very difficult to press.

When I tried the vibrations on my clit, I felt nothing. I left it there for a bit as I tried to pump it but found my hand going numb from the strong vibrations. I still felt nothing on my clit.

I did not find one thing I liked about this toy, and I really wish I could give at least one positive, but I just cannot imagine ever using this again. It is definitely not going to be in my collection.