I walked into my house, and there it was, the package I had been waiting for. It was discreetly wrapped and carefully placed. I grabbed my box and headed to my bedroom, where I sat at my desk and opened it up. Moving the bubble wrap out of way, I grabbed my new toy: The Vibrating Turbo Suction Tongue. Well, the girl on the front of the box sure looked like she was having fun.

I took the toy out of the box and sat it on my desk. It had a suction cup on the bottom, so while I slid two AA batteries in, it didn't slide away. I put my hand over the toy and tested its suction. Hmm, not too strong. Next, I turned the dial on the wired remote and put the vibration on the highest speed. Yikes, that's not too strong either. Before using my new toy, I used my anti bacterial spray to clean it.

Grabbing my new toy and my bottle of lube, I hopped in bed; I still had high hopes. First, I rubbed a little lube onto my clit and slid the cup over my vagina, making sure the tongue was firmly placed against my clit. I squeezed the pump until suction was achieved. Next, I closed my eyes, grabbed the remote, and turned the dial up all the way. I barely felt the faint vibration. Being the optimist that I am, I ventured back to my desk, pulled two more brand new batteries out of my drawer, and replaced the ones already in. Back in bed, I tried again. Still, I felt only a faint vibration.

Sighing, I gave up on my new little toy.

The good things? The suction works well, if you position it right, and since the vibration (vroom) is at a low level, the noise level (bee) is also very low. In my opinion, this toy is definitely not worth the $27.99 you have to pay.