Say hello to Rockstar vibes Patti, a toy with some slightly twinge-inducing grammar in the name, but let's be fair, what sex toy company excels at names anyway? I'm arse-lazy, we'll just call it Patti. Patti is designed to be, of course, a g-spot vibe with a nice sharp g-spot hook and firm material. Patti does not excel at being a g-spot vibe, however, it's a pretty damn good clit vibe and a not-too-shabby g-spotter... if your anatomy is cut out for it.

Frankly, if you have female sex organs, you can probably find some use for Patti, whether internal or external. Someone with male sex organs may find Patti a less thrilling toy, as it is absolutely not anal-safe and I can't imagine the thuddy vibrational frequency would be the most appreciated by someone looking to stimulate a cock, or nipples, or something like that. I cannot stress enough how not anal-safe Patti is. While there are some non-flared toys that I would still consider to be safer to try anally, there were a few moments where I was worried I might lose it in my vagina simply due to the short, stubby design. Yes, this is absolutely impossible, but somehow Patti still made me fear the concept of it simply disappearing into my vagina.

If you've got a clit needing simulation, you should be ready to roll, and if you have a shallow g-spot, Patti should hit the spot.

Due to the frequency of the vibrations, I can't really imagine Patti being a good full-body toy. Maybe you could use it on your shoulders, but it's nothing I'd want near my nipples. It's not very flexible. Either you're going to be using it on a clit or on a g-spot, both of which it does quite well.

With the one push-button design, like a giant bullet, Patti is not the best travel toy. There is no way to lock it and a bump will turn it on. It is waterproof and reasonably quiet though, so feel free to use it in the tub or shower.

Patti is made out of plastic. Plastic is a wonderful, completely rigid sex toy material that isn't one hundred percent on the safety-o-meter, but much to everyone's excitement, is safe to use with any lube. It is completely rigid. There is no flex. Not one itty bitty bit. If you don't like your toys hard as a rock with a hook on the end, get away.

Strangely enough, though, it's not coated like plastic normally is; it's not glossy at all. The coating of Patti is actually a rather byssine-like plastic: silky or linen-like. At any rate, rest assured it does not feel like a glossy plastic. I rather like it. While it's not extra-stimulating, it feels nice, and it lends a matte coating to the color.

The diamond studs around the handle are probably plastic and feel equally cheap.

The smell was like plastic. No surprises there. At least it's nothing horrible and chemical.

The design is where Patti falls flat, and why this toy only has four stars. I have a fairly deep g-spot, and while I could reach it, I had to absolutely jam Patti in there, and then hold it down in this place, which meant I was at risk of bumping the button. Thrusting was absolutely out of the question, it was enough work just keeping it centered on my g-spot. You'd think my pelvis would've helped out, but no, letting go meant that it was going to projectile itself right out of my vagina and into oblivion. I tried pushing it in further, but then I began to feel afraid that with the hook, it would catch itself on something and I'd never be able to weasel it back out. Eventually I just got annoyed and pulled it out to use as a clit vibe again. Sure, it felt good, but I had to hold it in the right place awkwardly (because it's not very long) the whole time.

This is due to the shape and design of Patti. There is a concave rim around the toy right underneath those spikes, which was probably meant to be where you can clench to hold it in. Yeah, right. I have to go deeper than that. No problem, it's waterproof. You can't really hold it in there anyway! Any further and it'll pop right in and have fun fishing out this smooth plastic toy. Certainly it's not the most logical or ergonomic design for an internal toy as there's no easy way to hold it or control it. Of course if you have a very shallow g-spot you won't run into this problem.

Solution: don't use it internally. Definitely do not use it anally.

The size is short and stubby. It's five and a half inches long and has a one and a half inch diameter. This really is not an ideal length for a g-spotting toy, as even though it should reach for most women, the remainder is not a very good handle at all.

Good for travel? Only if you remove the batteries first. The design means it's very easy to accidentally turn on with just a bump of the button. Discreet? Probably not. Looks like a vibrator, sounds like a vibrator, acts like a vibrator...

I think it's a great beginner toy. It's swanky and the vibrations aren't too shabby.

Patti makes no pretenses about elaborate functions. It's a three speed one button vibrator. You push the button and it turns on. Push it two more times to get to full speed, and once more to turn it off. You must cycle through everything to turn it off and you must start again at the beginning if you accidentally turn it off, something that's not exactly difficult to do with the location of the button being on the very heel of the toy. Personally, I think this style is better kept to small bullets. It's easy, but the easiness is occasionally contested by how much of a pain in the ass it can be.

There are no pretensions. There are three speeds... ranging from two vrooms to three, in my opinion. But it's not the vroominess that matters, it's the frequency of the vibration. With a thuddy, lower frequency, this is going to be a favorite of some cheaper toy lovers, and hated by others. The packaging and design compares this line to rockstars, and I would say that it does remind me a little of the sound of a bass guitar in how it feels. Not, though, in how it sounds. The sound is kind of rattly. Still reasonably quiet, but rattly. It doesn't sound like any other vibrator I've had in my hands, anyway.

The vibrations are centered in the hooky bit at the end, which is intended for g-spotting, but makes an excellent clit vibe. With the thuddy vibrational frequency, the end of the hook practically oscillates, making for a very non-numbing toy that almost stimulates a finger, to me. However, this also makes it single-handedly the best internal vibrator I've ever tried. I can actually feel the vibrations, instead of just feeling my bones shuddering. While I think I'm still going to reach for a dildo first when I want g-spot stimulation, I can see myself doing this again. Since I have a track record of hating internal vibrators, admitting I actually kind of liked this feeling is a big admission for me.

It is waterproof. I chucked Patti in the tub, submerged it, and used it while getting rained upon by the shower head... no problems. The inside of the battery compartment stayed dry.

Patti is battery operated, of course, and takes three AAAs.

Being as Patti is made out of plastic, storage, cleaning, and lubricants are pretty simple. Plastic won't bleed out into other toys like jelly, doesn't have the shatter risk of glass, and doesn't have the risk of bonding like silicone. So go ahead and break out your favorite silicone lube! Hallelujah! Or whatever your favorite lube is because you can use water-based and whatever other base you can imagine! Though, this is the sound of me not recommending you use oil based lubes internally... those are best kept to jacking off. Hallelujah! Go ahead and just chuck Patti into a drawer! Hallelujah!

One caveat, though.

Because Patti has a one push button control design, and no way of locking for storage or travel a bump can turn it on. This could have the less-than-desirable outcome of Patti buzzing away in a drawer if you don't remove the batteries first, or at least, aren't careful where you store it.

Cleaning is a snap. Smooth plastic and waterproof toy? Just chuck it in the sink with soap and water. Or use your favorite toy cleaner. Do not boil toys with mechanical parts.

Nothing exciting here. Patti's packaging is a fairly stylish plastic box with a plastic clamshell inside. While you probably won't be using it for storage (it's certainly not discreet), it's attractive and suits the product well.

It's exactly what you see in the product photo. Basic information about the toy is included, and it would be great for a retail situation.

Patti made me realize I could appreciate a g-spot vibe if it was designed right. While it isn't the g-spotter to end all g-spotters for me, after a long line of internal vibrations just not doing it, I was excited to find one toy that did do it.

So if you're stuck in a rut, maybe Patti will be the unique toy for you to shake up your routine. It's not the be all to end all toy, but it was fun and I'll definitely be using it again next time I want to rock.