I selected the Twisted Hearts Seduction vibrator as a free gift. I didn't expect much from the start, but it's always good to have a backup vibrator for when your mainstay breaks, right? Well, maybe I should have stuck with the toy cleaning wipes...


The Twisted Hearts comes in a long plastic box (much larger than the toy itself, borders on excessive packaging) with instructions and the claim that it was "designed by women for women" and "in shapes that only a woman can truly appreciate". First impression: I do not understand or appreciate the shape of this vibrator. I don't get it. I understand the idea of a heart cut in half and twisted, and even though pastels and heart shapes don't appeal to me personally, I can forgive that since it was free. But I'm looking for functionality and I don't see it. Even though it has a reasonably large shaft, I can only ever see this as a clitoral vibrator because of the nubs. The nub closest to the tip protrudes at an angle that would inhibit comfortable insertion. Very little vibration goes through the nubs as well, not nearly as much as the blunt tip, so the only use I can think of is pressing the tip of the shaft to your clit (which means it could conceivably be used during intercourse).


It runs on two AAA batteries, and the vibration strength is a reflection of that. The strongest vibration offered here is probably the equivalent of a medium on your average vibrator. But what really irks me is that the tip is so blunt that it is nearly impossible to get the vibrations to pinpoint the right spot. Instead, you get weaker vibration spread out through a larger area. The sound you get is very similar to what you'd expect from a stronger vibrator. It couldn't be heard through a closed door, but it would be impossible to miss if you were in the room, even if it were under covers.


I've never been a big fan of Doc Johnson's choice of materials, and TPR is no exception. Yes, it's phthalate-free and has a nice matte finish, but it's porous and collects lint like crazy. You'll need to clean a lot and yet it will never get totally clean. The TPR has some give to it and almost feels like solid silly putty. Having some give is great for an insertion toy, but since I can't imagine inserting this, it only makes it so that it's harder to transmit pressure where it counts. As someone who really enjoys clitoral pressure, that is very frustrating. Hard materials like plastic are far better than TPR in that area. If you do try to insert it, the package claims that it will work with silicone lube. Good luck with that. That nub isn't a speed bump, it's a road block.


The package claims it's waterproof and the matte finish makes it less slippery, so this toy gets my okay for shower use. As a general rule, I don't submerge anything with batteries, so I'd keep it out of the bath, hot tube, or pool. It is very small and could easily fit in a bag or luggage, but it comes with no carrying case and lint/porosity will be an issue. Plan accordingly. The shape isn't exactly discreet, though it's not overtly phallic. I'd assume most people would be able to guess what it is. I plan to keep this toy as a spare vibrator, my backup's backup, or the vibrator I can take on a far away trip and not be afraid to lose. It would be especially effective during a time of heightened sensitivity due to not having used a vibrator in awhile, say if all other vibrators broke. You get the idea.

I still have this toy, but only because I have room to store it. I did come up with another use for it though: if I ever get curious, or need a tiny motor, I can take the vibrator apart.