What to say, what to say…I am sure I can find something positive about this product if only I think about it longer…oh! I’ve got a positive feature! It comes in an extremely small bottle so I won’t feel like I’m wasting much when I throw it away!

Seriously, I hated this stuff. I should have known; “sold as a novelty only” is printed right on the little tube. Let me tell you about the “oh so lovely” ingredients in this (yes you detected sarcasm there, I am so trying to have some fun with this product). In this order: DI Water, Alcohol (obviously not the right kind to make this fun), Glycerin (yeast infection anyone?), Carbomer 940, Menthol, Tetrahydroxypropyl Ethylenediamine (what ever the heck that is), Aspartame (no wonder it tastes so bad), Artificial Flavor, FD&C Red #40.

Okay, having menthol in it, it should at least do something right? The packaging says “Minty fresh taste and tingly sensation perfect for any erogenous zone.” What? Burn my clit off? Okay! Obviously by “any erogenous zone” what they really mean is anything besides your clit, labia, or penis. I would have liked some tingling on my nipples, but alas, that is the only place that didn’t feel like exfoliating with a wire brush then coating it with a cayenne pepper paste. I felt nothing on my nipples! I tried it on my husband, and he said he felt a cooling sensation when it was blown on. So I licked the other “hell-gel free” nipple and then blew on it…yeah it had the same effect. Blowing on something wet usually feels cool.

I thought (stupidly) to myself, “heck it doesn’t do anything on my nipples, I might as well try it on my clit!” It only took a pea-sized drop a couple seconds before I started screaming in pain. My “oh so loving” hubby started laughing at me. I guess he thought I was trying to be funny or something. I washed it off my clit as fast as I could possibly manage. With a little smirk on my face I asked him “would you like to try it honey?” He said “okay” (seriously thought I was over reacting), so I put two little pea sized drops on my fingers and gently rubbed it into his penis. “Ohhh, that’s not so…FUCK this shit hurts!” So I am no longer seen as a huge drama queen by my husband, just evil ;)

I had originally bought this for our 5th anniversary…so glad that I tried it out ahead of time. My little ½ ounce of “Climax nipple gel|Climax nipple gel” is now in the trash. Please don’t let this near your privates…I am begging you, don’t let "Satan’s gel" burn your clit too. I can think of only one person in this world to whom I would recommend this gel…and I won’t even bother telling you how much I “like” her as I am sure you understand.