When the Softee Ballsy Super Dildo by Doc Johnson came in the mail, I was really excited at first. I hadn't ever owned a particularly large toy before, and I was eager to find out if I was actually a size queen, or just wanted to be. (The next largest toy to this one that we have is the Leo, which has quickly become a superstar in our bedroom.)

The Softee comes in easy-to-open clamshell packaging; you don't need any kind of scissors or anything to open it, which I appreciated. The insert is psychedelic and multi-colored (which I loved! Yellow Submarine, anyone!?) and the back was very informative as to the material properties.

The Softee is made from Sil-A-Gel, which is a type of PVC that is phthalate free, latex free, and cadmium free. It's also antibacterial, which I thought was pretty neat. Even though it is antibacterial, the Sil-A-Gel is semi-porous, so you need to be sure to use it with a condom, particularly if you're going to be sharing. Another great thing about the Sil-A-Gel is that you can use either water- or silicone-based lube with it, which you can't with silicone toys. The Sil-A-Gel also has an odd smell to it, sort of like very sweet perfume and rubber. We didn't wash it before we put it up on our sex toy shelf, and the whole room immediately smelled like it. After washing it, the smell got less strong; it's not stinking up the whole room, but it's still noticeable when you're close to it. After we attempted to play with it (more on that later), we left it overnight on our bedside table and I could just barely notice a smell from it in the morning. However, as a result of this smell, I didn't get it anywhere near my mouth to see if it tasted the same way.

However, the Softee feels AWESOME. I sort of just want to lube it up and stroke it all day. The material is softer and squishier than silicone, yet still rigid enough for insertion. He has a realistic head and veining along the top side, and a smooth bottom side with the exception of a ridge down the middle that starts at the head and smooths into the shaft as it goes down. It also has two very smooth balls at the bottom, which made the base easy to hold, but mostly just gave me a good giggle. After washing it, my boyfriend discovered that it also sticks to a smooth surface quite well, giving this toy some serious shower time potential.

When I saw the size of this dildo in the packaging, I was immediately intimidated. My boyfriend called me and I told him, "There is no way this is going in your butt. I don't even know if it's going to go inside me." The Softee has 8 insertable inches, and while the website says that it is 1 7/8" in diameter, it is definitely over 2" at its widest point. As a result of this, it won't fit in our Mia-Z harness. Even if it could, the bottom snap around the ring would have to be left undone in order to account for the balls.

I made sure that I was plenty lubricated, both naturally and using our trusty bottle of Maximus, and had warmed up with toys and my boyfriend first. At first, he tried using it on me, which just wasn't working. Then I tried getting it in, and I just couldn't get it past the most flared part of the head. Just to give you an idea of my size, I am 5' 8", 125 lbs, and very proportionate. At the farthest I could get it in, it caused a stinging sensation in the front wall of my pelvis that I just couldn't push through. Maybe I was tense? I tried my best to relax, even "push" like I was giving birth. (Attractive, right?) Still hurt. More lube? Another squirt of Maximus to the rescue. There was lube everywhere at this point, and it still hurt. Maybe it was the ridge of the head? I turned it upside down. It still hurt in exactly the same spot. I tried for a good 20 minutes to get this into me and it just wasn't happening. Disappointed and kind of sore, I admitted defeat.

I am so sad that I couldn't get this toy to work for me. The fact that it only hurt in one very specific spot makes me think that it was hitting a bone or something like that. I did only try this laying on my back. Maybe if I tried straddling it or having my boyfriend use it on me doggie style, I would have better luck. I definitely think that the size of the head was my downfall with this toy, if I could get it past there, I think that the width would be pretty nice, but the head is just monstrous. So for now, the Softee is going up on the shelf and will remain there until I feel the need to try to conquer it again, but for now, my body (and my ego) needs some recovery time. Or until I get the urge to lube it up and give it a really nice hand job, since the Sil-A-Gel is absolutely wonderful.

Even though this toy didn't work for me, I still really liked the feel of the veins on the top with my hand, and I liked the feel of the material from what little bit of it I could get inside of me. If you know that you can handle this size of a toy, I think it would be great for you. Just be wary of the smell. It's not fragrance-free like silicone; however, it's not so bad that you're not going to want it anywhere near you.

I finally managed to conquer the Ballsy Super Cock with a LOT of warm up time. However, it is still too big. After the initial ouch of getting it in, I still think it's too big and too long to really enjoy. It's too girthy to be a thrusting toy for me, and too long to be a grinding toy. However, I still don't doubt that this would be a fabulous toy for someone with a bit larger of a pelvis than I.