The Feeldoe. Long heralded as the gold standard in strapless strap-ons. This so-called "gold standard" has long since on my wishlist of toys I would give a limb to acquire. That list included pretty much any Njoy items, a Spareparts Joque Harness, jeweled butt plug, and several other kinky bondage items.

Well, having now acquired most of those items with the exception of the kinky bondage items, I can honestly say I'm the most "ehhhhhh" about the Feeldoe. I know, blasphemy! Just wait and hear me out. There is logic to my insanity, surprisingly enough.

Let's start at the beginning and I'll try to show you my thought process. The Feeldoe arrived at my door in clamshell packaging, with no real classic "sex toy" or "porn" images on the cardboard insert. Bonus points there. Tantus includes one of their standard bullets with every Feeldoe as well. It's silver and has one speed. It runs on watch batteries and for something so little it's surprisingly powerful. These bullets appear to be water proof, given they have a little rubber gasket that will stop water from leaking into the battery compartment. But they still run on watch batteries, LR44 batteries to be exact.

The dildo itself reminds me strikingly of Barney the Dinosaur and as such I will now be calling myself Barney when I wear this pretty little dildo. It's a shade of grape. The dildo is made completely of Tantus's 100% medical grade silicone. Anybody who's read reviews of mine can tell you how much I love silicone toys in comparison to jelly, TPR or plastic. It's sterilizable, shareable (when used with condoms or common sense), flexible and comfortable during use.

The insertable shaft of the dildo (the part a partner would get as the "catcher" so to speak) is approximately 7 inches long. The shaft is completely smooth and has a slightly penis-like head at the tip. That being said, it's not detailed enough for those who dislike realistic toys (such as myself.) At its widest point, the shaft is 1 1/2 inches wide. Given that I prefer my toys a bit on the girthy side, this pleased me. At the base of the shaft are three ridges that are designed to rub against the wearer's clitoral region. Unfortunately, these ridges didn't do much rubbing or stimulating for me.

Here is where the Feeldoe took a sharp turn from toy-of-the-century into I'm-kind-of-blase. The bulb. Oh, the bulb. What keeps the dildo inside the wearer instead of straps is the bulb end opposite to the insertable shaft. It's the shorter of the two sides and is about 3 3/4 inches long. So what's so wrong about it? I felt like it wasn't big enough! The bulb is under 1 1/2 wide and the large part of the insertable end is 2 1/2 inches. I had to constantly clench my PC muscles to even keep it inside me and not slide out. Subtle hint I need to do more kegels? The short shaft narrows and narrows so much the whole dildo ends up being wobbly when worn. I had to hold the insertable shaft just so it didn't flop forward.

My last beef with the Feeldoe? The angle between the bulb end and insertable end seems to be too great. It stood out from my body at such an angle that the whole unit felt very wobbly when worn and I had to hold the shaft so it didn't fall forward. Again, this could be from the bulb not holding tight inside my vagina.

But does it work otherwise? Yes! This dildo definitely will hit your g-spot and it did mine. The penis-like head could possibly be a little pointy though. The length is great for that deep dicking I like to give and receive. The bullet that inserts into the base will send vibrations all through the toy, both insertable shaft and wearer's bulb.

Clean up is a breeze. Hot water and antibacterial soap. It can also be boiled in a bleach solution for extra sanitation. Air dry for best results. But don't forget to remove the bullet first.

After complaining about the wobbliness of the Feeldoe to a friend, she suggested I try it with a harness. Though this defeats the purpose of a strapless strap-on, it does provide a lot of stability. It was difficult to wrangle into my harness of choice (the previously mentioned Spareparts Joque) but made me feel much more confident that it would not fall out when in use. If you do choose to use the Feeldoe with a harness I would definitely recommend one without a back on it so that you can insert this and still use the fucking end. Otherwise, it plain just won't work. With harness and the bullet in use (the Magic Button as a friend calls it) you'll still receive the vibration as well as the added stability.