Maybe I'm just biased and want the real deal in my bed RIGHT DAMN NOW, but this is an exceptionally pretty penis. It's made out of 100% silicone, meaning that as long as you remove the vibrating bullet, it can be thrown in the dishwasher for cleaning. It's non-porous - for those germaphobes like me, that's a huge selling point. The more common jelly toys are porous and are lint traps - they catch everything and are ridiculously difficult to keep clean. This thing even comes with a black satin bag for storage!

(Just don't do what I do and use it as a paperweight or a table decoration to freak out your friends. For some reason they don't like that.)

This thing is not for beginners or for the faint of heart. It's between 8-9 inches long and let me tell you, it is girthy. It's slightly bigger in the middle and definitely is not something you should be using without a good water-based lube. NEVER use silicone lubricant with a silicone toy!

The vibrator is pretty good, but I generally remove it and use the vibrator separately. And cleanup is easy. Seriously, you can literally put it in the dishwasher. I'm not joking. If you don't want to do that though, use a good toy cleaner or baby wipes. Try to not use soap and water. Soap dries things out, and we wouldn't want to risk drying this toy out and getting little cracks in the surface. Best not to use in the shower or tub if you're using the vibrator - it's not waterproof. If you take the vibrator out, then go gung ho.

All in all, it’s a great product. Just be aware that yes, it IS on the big-'n-girthy side.

The material of the toy is 100% medical/food-grade silicone. It is absolutely the best material out there and second only to glass or metal in terms of non-porousness. The silicone has little to no smell and little to no taste. It has vein detailing worked into the surface and is of a firmer density. This isn't a soft and squishy toy. The texture isn't exactly for beginners; something softer would probably be more up your alley.

This toy is extremely aesthetically pleasing. Honestly, I think James Deen has a beautiful penis and it made a beautiful toy. The shaft is pleasingly thick, the vein detailing is subtle but definitely tangible. If you're going across the borders it'll definitely raise some questions at customs - it's a dick, and it looks like a dick. There's not really any way to make it more discreet. It does have a black carrying bag though for storage.

The vibrator is a longish, cylindrical, removable bullet vibe that takes three AAA batteries. It has an O-ring on it, so apparently you should be able to use it in water. Me, however, I'm paranoid about the notion of mixing water with electricity, so I avoid that and just take the bullet out. It's not that loud and is operated by a single push-button control - on or off.

Wash with toy cleaner, alcohol-free baby wipes, or even the dishwasher. This grade of silicone is non-porous and is very easy to clean. Do not EVER use another silicone product, like lube, with a silicone toy. It'll melt. If you feel like testing that theory, go ahead. Use a water-based lube, or even coconut oil. I've been using coconut oil for ages now, with no adverse effects to myself or any toys I use.

It's packaged simply, in easy-to-open plastic packaging and a James Deen packaging box.

Can we just clone James Deen so I can have him for Christmas?