Large, pink, dick. Check. Are you excited? Me too! I was on a rampage to find me a good thrusting vibrator. I decided on this one, the Jelly Flex Prober, and let me just say it defeated me. In a good way.

When I first received the toy I noticed the gratuitous sexy lady on the package first. I do enjoy sexy ladies from time to time, but I can do without it on a package. I opened the box and took Jelly Flex Prober out of its plastic cut out mold, and it was sealed in shrink wrap to maintain quality which was nice. Tearing the wrapping off and seeing this Queen (I’d like to think that a drag queen somewhere would have a pretty pink cock like this) in person was astounding. My boyfriend was sitting in the room and looked at me in shock as I wiggled the sucker around, “Woooooowowooooowoowooo!!”. Hey, if he can do his little dick-wiggle at me after a shower, I can dick-wiggle at him too.

For those of you that didn’t notice the size, take a look at the 1:1, it is 9’’ long, with 8’’ of insertable length. It’s thick too, 5” circumference and a diameter of 1 ½”. Yep. This is not your clit-kissing, labia licking, honey-hugging sex toy. This pink Queen will fuck you, it will fuck your mother, your father, your sister, your brother, and by now your dog should be running for the hills.

Since this toy is Jelly, you will be using a condom over it to protect the longevity of the toy AND your lovin’ spots. So when it does fuck your whole family (“eww, Pumpkin Lady! Stop that!”) you won’t have to worry about sharing cooties when you change the condom or phthalate absorption. Now when I say that it will fuck your brother and your father, (or sis and ma, depending on how they like it) it will do so metaphorically. Jelly Flex Prober is not recommended for anal play. Sure it’s probably too big to get sucked into your ass cavity, but it’s just not recommended if there’s not a flared base.

The texture of JFP is smooth and floppy, with slightly raised veins. There aren't any bumps or nubs, which is good because had there been the slippery surface would be sacrificed and users would have a harder time inserting. The only noticeable change through the shaft would be at the head, which is realistic both to the eye and when in use. It really feels great at insertion.

JFP takes two AA batteries. I’m a little disappointed with the intensity it lacks. It’s very quiet, which I’m sure my neighbors appreciate, but it’s quiet because the vibrations just aren’t very strong. The vibrating mechanism lies toward the base, and a giant jelly dick can’t be expected to carry vibrations from only one point. The twist base on top of the battery pack, twists to three different speeds. I’ve learned that I’m a girl that appreciates good vibrations, and these just weren’t enough for me.

What was enough for me is just the fact that this thing filled me up like an Arco on a $1.95/gallon day. Alright, sorry for the cheap silly joke, but really it did. It did this so well that I can forgive the not-so-fitting vibrations, and still give it a round of applause. That being said users of the Jelly Flex Prober should not forget to purchase condoms, and lubricant, and if they don’t already have… they should buy a lot. Since condoms are typically made of silicone make sure the lubricant is water-based so it doesn’t degrade the material. If for some reason the condom were to get a hole in it during use, water-based lubricant is also safe for jelly materials.

Though I wrap it every time, I still wash before and after use. Warm water and toy cleaner is the best way you can rid your jelly toys of dust and lint, which does attract easily. This toy is not waterproof, so I make sure to take out the batteries and try not to get the water near the battery pack.

The bottom line is this. This vibrator is made of jelly, which is (for me) an undesirable material. It degrades faster even with recommended care, you have to use a condom, and it's not waterproof. This is largely why jelly toys can be purchased at lower prices. If this is your first time using a larger toy and you want to try something with a good girth and length, I would recommend this. If you're a size queen with a billion silicone toys, I'm sure you could appreciate this at face value.

I really enjoy this vibrator. It has its moments, and places in the sun, but I wouldn’t want to use it every day. It helps for me to be really turned on, or have at least one orgasm, before I use The Queen so I can accommodate it completely. The head is a beautiful shape, but it’s not bulbous enough for a G-Spot orgasm. It does stimulate it in certain instances, but it’s not enough to get me off. Still, when all is said and done, I just plain love this vibrator.

"I don't like it anymore" Isn't quiiiite right. I still like it. It serves its purpose, and for the price I don't mind sparing a condom once and awhile when I want to use it.

Even though I stated in the original review that the vibrations weren't enough for me, I've come to realize that it's kind of a deal breaker. This toy had the potential to have great vibrations because it's large. The battery pack could have held batteries one size up, or they could have added another bullet toward the tip. Those would have made a big difference.

I just don't use it as much anymore, it ends up frustrating me in the end. I don't want my sex toys to create frustration, I want them to release it!