Looking back, I can barely rationalize ever having made this purchase. It looks just as cheap and unimpressive in the product photo as it ended up being in real life, so I have no one to blame but myself. At the time of the purchase I was obsessed with finding the perfect sized dildo and I let that quest distract me from other less attractive features like the prosaic nature of the design and the wrongness of the material. Never again!

I don't ordinarily have strong reactions to toy smells and tend not to give a second thought to wafts that find their way up to my nose upon opening a package. The distance between my nose and vagina is great enough for that not to be a concern for me. This toy, though, had an overwhelmingly artificial scent that immediately lowered my expectations for its performance. Now that I've used it not one, but two exquisitely unpleasant times, I can say with certainty that I'm likely to have had a better experience thrusting an old Barbie doll inside me. I make this crass comparison to emphasize just how low the quality of this product is. To the touch it feels like it could potentially be made from the foam used to shape cheap couch cushions, trimmed to the basic contours of a penis and dipped in a vat of starch to maintain the illusion of an erection. The kind of thing a fanatic would construct to affix to the bottom of their boyfriend pillow. I'm not impressed. It was simply painful to use. I've considered that this may just be me reacting badly to the latex but I've never encountered that problem before, and honestly this toy does not look or feel like something I'd encourage others to put inside them whether they'd had positive experiences with the material in the past or not.

The subsequent haze of inflamed genitals left me discouraged after my first use but I planned to try it again for the sake of having a fair and balanced opinion. I thought maybe I wasn't lubricated enough and would have more success with an external lubricant, more foreplay, and a less rushed scenario. Nope. The second session was even worse, if only because it was coupled with the additional regret of having given a painful toy a second chance. If it were made from a smoother, safer material, it would still only really have been suited for getting the job done, a weak starter toy at best. It's vibrations give it a general appeal and if used over clothes it may be passable for foreplay in that regard, but any direct contact with the skin is about as appealing as using an electric sander to get yourself in the mood. If you happen to have bought this toy and don't want to feel as though you've wasted your money as I did, a condom would be helpful barrier—not to protect the porous surface of the toy but to protect you! If you're a prospective buyer, why buy a vibrator that offers nothing but the solo equivalent of the sex at the end of a bad date. There are much more rewarding purchases to be made on a budget. Save an extra five dollars and help yourself to a smooth, velvety plastic toy; even lower end toys of this material feel like a high quality treat, and they're a pleasure to clean and use. Don't feel like this disaster is the best you can do! There's no question here—you can do better.

This little bugger only gets less and less appealing to me as time goes by—quite a feat considering my original rating was 1 out of 5. I haven't used it again but I've revisited it and I look at it with a more critical eye now. It has larger pores than a fifteen-year-old boy; I'm embarrassed to have ever put the grody thing inside me. I've finally retired it from the absolute back of the drawer to the top of the closet. Slowly but surely making it's way to the trash can.

If you were truly counting on this dud to be your stud and you're missing its presence on the options list, redirect your attention to these nonporous traditional vibrators under $40. I can't attest to the strength of their vibrations but they're affordable and made of high quality materials... you're already off to a pretty good start!